October 22, 2004

Confessions of a Zealous Planner

James 4 & Luke 12:13-53

It has been quite some time since I have completely disconnected from the world around me and spent time with God (time that doesn't have a preset "I've got other things I have to do" limit). Once again, I've gone too long and while I know He's been trying to show me something, I've been too busy to sit down and listen to what it is.

No big surprises. God and I have been working on the same topic in my life for roughly 3-1/2 years. New applications, same lesson. That lesson is trusting Him. I am a control-freak! -a big shock to all who know me I'm sure ;-) My mind rarely rests and when it doesn't have anything immediate occupying it, I make plans. "What ifs" - God and I already worked through most of the "if only"s a few years ago. So again tonight, as I have been worrying about decisions I have made and am making that seem to impact "Everything" (said with drama-queen flair) and my WHOLE life's directions (of course again - disproportionately so) He quietly calls me back to my focus in the center of the storm. When He and I get in that zone where the storm is raging around us but my focus is entirely upon Him and there is peace (watch the last part of Forces of Nature for a good visual).

Tonight our time focused on James chapter 4 and how I have begun to spend a lot of time focused on "pleasures" - the fun things in life (which aren't bad in and of themselves, but I've allowed my focus to shift - kind of like that time I accidentally went to Georgetown instead of Louisville because I wasn't paying enough attention). So instead of being focused on Him, somehow I find myself having gotten off track and having tons of fun, but I'm not centered where I ought to be. I've started making plans again instead of just trusting Him for the next step.

I find myself taking the very gift of life - the gift of today - this breath (inhale by exhale) for granted. Instead of asking God what should I do with what is already His (Psalms 31:15), I find myself trying to control today. What's worse, I am trying to control something I haven't even been given yet - TOMORROW! I dictate to God what I am going to do instead of allowing Him to truly be the Lord of my life. - I am so horrible about this. If I don't like where I am (and I'm not talking geography) I simple make my plans on how to get where I want to be and try to make changes.

Tonight God reminded me that I need to pause. To pray. To trust Him to guide my steps. But most of all, to remember to thank Him for today, each day (For if the Lord wills, we shall live - James 1:15). And let Him worry about all the other stuff (Luke 12).

"Lord make me to know my end
And what is the extent of my days;
Let me know how transient I am.
Behold, you made my days as handbreadths,
And my lifetime as nothing in your sight;
Surely every man at his best is a mere breath."
Psalm 39:4-5

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