Gypsy Feet

A Week Complete

2012-01-25T17:53:00.000-05:00

I have been here a week now, eight daysactually, and I think things are beginning to settle in. Amber and Iarrived last Wednesday in the early afternoon. We spent a day or sogetting our personal belongings unpacked and resting from thejourney. I remember reading (somewhere) in the Bible the phrase“from Grace to Grace.” After making two journeys to Haiti, on myown, I have a different understanding of what this means. I haveseen God provide in more ways than I can count, but specifically inthe midst of the stress of hoping I have remembered all the detailsrequired to arrive in safely in Haiti. From an airline attendant whodecided to take the average of my three checked bags – as one was 1lbs over and the other two were 2 lbs under – and not require me toredistribute at the airport, to a kind couple watching my luggage asI ran the cart back to the cart return while waiting for the hotelshuttle. To “Big” meeting Amber and me outside security andmaking sure we got to Frantz, our ride, just as we were supposed to. Every step of the way, when stress or anxiety would arise, aprovision would arise. As I learn each day to rest in Him.

Life is different here than it was downthe road. For starters, we don't have any children yet. There is ababy, that Tina is keeping right now, that may come to stay with us. We are trying to determine her mother's intentions. If she desirestemporary care and expects to come for her in six months, then wewill bring her here to live. If she plans to abandon her completely,then we will leave her at Tina's, where she is happy and settled in. Tina, runs an amazing Children's Home. A place where she brings inchildren to live with her, and cares for them as her own. She is anamazing woman. She does not usually take temporary cases though, soour reason for taking her if she will be reunited with her mother oneday. This is the heart and soul of what we hope to do and see. Tomake it possible for children to remain with their parents in thelong run by providing short term care, love, and shelter. This couldmanifest itself in so very many ways...I'm excited to see how itmight happen.

We had a preemie born in our communitya few nights ago. We were told she was about 2 lbs. Vivian, aneighbor of ours, who owns a preschool in our community, called Dr.Ken to let him know. In the middle of the night, she had takenmother and child to both the Cuban Hospital and St. Michel's whereshe had left them at 10 am having not yet seen a doctor. She was tocall if they needed us, or they didn't see a doctor. No word as yet. I wonder if the baby survived.

Our Baby House is coming together. Thefront room is painted (thanks to the Hawaii Team that was here inDecember), unpacked, and cleaned. Amber and I spend a few hours eachday working over there cleaning and re-cleaning and organizing andunpacking. It's coming together quite nicely. The Team House isfull of bunks and booked almost solid from the 15^th ofFebruary through most of March! It's exciting to see all the peoplecoming through. If anyone is interested in a trip down this way, letus know so we can get you on our calendar!

Our community here seems to be poorerthan Cyvadier. But the people are so wonderfully nice. I feel“safe” in theI-never-completely-let-my-guard-down-because-I-am-not-in-my-natural-habitatkind of way. I really feel that the relationships we (and by we Imean mostly Dr. Ken) have been making in the community are such thatthe neighbors look out for us. Across the street and next door toour ministry house, are two Depots (little stores). There is alittle girl, I call her TiFi because she won't tell us her name, wholives in the back of one with her family. She is probably about 3years old. She comes over everytime Amber and I are in the MinistryHouse working.

Yesterday she “helped” us go through baby clothes. Amber would pick up and item, check the size on the tag,fold it, and put it in the appropriate pile. TiFi would watch her,the do the exact same series of motions, making a pile of her own,then look up at Amber and smile. It was so precious! After a week,she finally started making noises, while she played. She still won'ttalk to us. But we are hoping to overcome that in the next few days:-) I look forward to the day when I know enough Kreyol to sit andhave a conversation with the ladies who live around us.

Heading Back to Haiti

2012-01-13T21:55:00.000-05:00

So as I get ready to head back down to Haiti next week I find that there are some people I haven't had the opportunity to share what my exact plans are....so here is a short post to introduce the current path I am on:

I will not be returning to The Hands and Feet Children's Village, though a wonderful ministry where i made some amazing friends, God has set my feet in a new, though related, direction. I am moving down the road a bit to work with HaitiBaby and SurfHaiti and by work with I mean, help start these two new ministries. My main focus will be the Infant Rescue and Recovery Center...or so the plan is, I find that in ministry - and I assume this is true anywhere- you must be flexible and ready to shift where God opens doors, so I am happy to lend my skills to any area of ministry these organizations require them.

One of the tragedies in Haiti is seeing parents, specifically mothers, who give up their children to an orphanage because they can't afford to feed and clothe their baby, or the infant requires some special medical care that she is unable to provide. I am told that one in every four newborns in Haiti die in the first year for lack of nutrition, love, and medication. HaitiBaby will be a temporary home where babies can be loved and cared for while each mother also receives the love and care she needs in order to be able to someday care for her own child, as God intended. Our purpose is to empower mothers by helping them find a way to make money through learning skills, or marketing and utilizing skills they already possess. Often this will include providing meals, vitamins, and shelter for the mother while giving her time to "prepare a nest" where she can take her baby. We are concerned with orphan prevention whenever possible...and when not possible, due to death or abandonment, we will care for the infant through the first year of their life and then find a safe, loving place for each child to live and grow.

SurfHaiti is another ministry I will be participating in. This organization teaches street children to surf and through surfing hopes to teach skills necessary to succeed as an adult; skills like showing up on time, and being consistent are skills that will help them find and keep jobs as they grow and mature into adulthood. It also facilitates the distribution of water filters to surrounding communities. 80% of the ground and surface water in Haiti is contaminated and this clean water initiative brings clean drinking water to communities that have never had access to it before. We also have a pharmacy/clinic that we are setting up in order to provide for medical mission teams that come down and need a place to work out of.

As these ministries grow and begin to expand in many directions to reflect the need and opportunity to create long term ministries that will hopefully create true solutions and not create dependence upon charity, I look forward to sharing with you all more.

Medical Dominoes

2011-11-08T19:02:00.000-05:00

I am home now...and looking at posts I never finished typing or didn't get around to posting, so I apologize for being slack, but wanted to continue to share with you all what my time in Haiti to this point has been. I will be in the States for a few weeks and then plan to return in January. I hope to speak to many of you while home, email me or call....

This has been a difficult week...exhausting really. I haven't had much time to email, facebook or think much less sit down to blog. My week began with a frustrating Sunday (I think it was Sunday, my days run together right now) night trip to two hospitals. The twins had developed high fevers and diarrhea. We went to the Cuban hospital, where they diagnosed pneumonia (Wendi) and a lung infection (Wendia), but had no beds available so the sent us to another hospital. At the Cuban hospital the staff speaks Spanish and Kreyol and a piti, piti (little) bit of English...since we were driving past our compound anyway, we dropped Wendia off with Kyle and asked her to start the meds prescribed for her infection, and picked up Stacie to translate for us at St. Michel. We went, but honestly I was hoping, should have been praying, they wouldn't admit Wendi as it isn't the cleanest and the staff there... well lets just say the nurse who finally started our paperwork wasn't really sure how to work the scale to weigh Crystella and Wendi. For obvious reasons, it isn't a place I would choose to go. After three hours of wandering around trying to figure out where we needed to be, they finally checked Wendi over said he didn't have a fever (because we gave him Tylenol, which we told them) and sent us home...even with a referral from the Cuban hospital and his chest x-ray which they sort of looked at.

Monday began with a phone call at 3 am from the baby house - Woodley was having a seizure. I got up and found the thermometer - the last (and only other I know of) Grand Mal seizure he had was fever related and met both Camerons in the Baby House. Sure enough he had a temp of 102. The seizure lasted almost 20 minutes. Poor little guy was exhausted when it finally ended. We gave him Tylenol and wiped him down in an attempt to get his fever down. It took two hours to get him below 100. He's just under a year old. By 5, I headed back to bed only to be greeted with a baby from the other baby house: fever and vomiting. Stacie, my roommate and fellow missionary has been violently ill for a few days now (High fever, vomitting, severe pains...we are fairly certain she has Dengue Fever, but it could be a variety of things with similar symptoms. She leaves this morning for the states to have a full work up done, to rest and recover) called at 6am. "Can you come up here, I have an emergency." I walked into our dark room and found Stacie sitting in bed with Saintana in her lap. From where I stood (and in the darkness) it looked like she had boils all over her face...it turned out to be dried blood. She had fallen off the bed in the night and split her lip open pretty badly. I carried her downstairs to clean her up...and she was fine - though we moved her to a bottom bunk and added a higher railing (thank you Cameron) to the top bunk. By 9 am we had three fevers with vomitting, an ear infection, one severe asthma attack, one child who vomitted though it appears it was self induced to prevent having to take an exam at school, and I lost count on the diarrhea.

Tuesday began with Nurse (we have a nurse who works nights in one of the baby houses) waking me up at 5am to show me a diaper full of blood - though upon further inspection it was difficult to tell whether the red was truly blood or just dyed from the off brand pedialyte Darbens had been on. I told her to save me his next diaper. The orange tint to the next one pushed me to the side of pedialyte but still a lot of concern - the consensus after calling some medical professionals was to wait and take him off the pedialyte and see what happened (he didn't act in pain or sick at all) he'd been on antibiotics for the ear infection for 24 hours. Tuesday evening was followed up with a bad fall by Adne - worried about a fracture in his shin bone. Nurse, I really do call her Nurse only in Kreyol it's Mis, said she didn't think it was broken, but he was in a lot of pain. We decided to take him to the hospital in the morning if his pain hadn't lessened, as he left the main house Renaldo came in with a strange rash and low grade fever. I gave him Tylenol and sent him to bed. The twins fevers broke around 3am!

Wednesday came and I found Renaldo, a normally active kid, laying half asleep on the galri (porch) of the main house. His rash had spread. I sat down and held him for a bit and Nurse walked by to leave - she looked at his rash and said "Oh. Take him to a Doctor." Another trip to the hospital - we took Darbins too, just to make me feel better, Carrie and I couldn't shake the feeling we were missing something and that there really was blood in his diapers. The Cuban hospital is free and since they were going anyway, I'm glad I did. Stacie and Cameron and Carrie took this trip. Darbins had a bowel infection as well as his ear infection - it was some blood in his diaper - now I feel horrible for not taking him immediately - though the doctor said there was some dye from the pedialyte too which made it harder to tell. Spent a good portion of the day running around trying to get blood work done at a variety of labs for Renaldo.

Thursday morning the twins had real poop in the diapers for the first time in almost a week! I've rarely been that excited to see poop (with the possible exception of Naithen Spaulding). From there the week got easier - just medicating everyone who was now on prescriptions and treating fevers if they got too high. I'm thinking of applying as a nurse :-) I'm also convinced a lot of this is spiritual. November kicked off Tuesday and Wednesday with "High Holy Holidays" in the voodoo community and I'm told all month there will be increased voodoo activity. You can feel a difference in the spiritual climate here. Yesterday, Crystella came to me in tears. She'd had a bad dream about the twins - that they had died. A friend called her and told her she had had a similar dream. She wanted to take them to mass. I explained that she was free to take them with her, but I was concerned for their health since the last time they left the compound they came down with pneumonia, and they were still fragile from that. Stephen, our new site director came in and asked if we could call Pastor Maxey from the church next door to come over instead. She said yes. So Saturday morning he arrived to pray over the twins and with their mother to comfort her. She seemed to appreciate it.

Each day felt like three of four and it's hard to believe I return to the states in under two weeks.

Never Let Go

2011-10-31T20:08:00.001-04:00

We gathered for church - our first official church in English for missionaries...So much has happened, we've all been through so much - working , no living this life for Jesus. It's easy to get caught up in all that needs to happen and does happen and forget to pause and spend some time just worshiping the One who brought each of us to this harsh and beautiful land. To these people we love and have come to serve. As we gathered and shared our hearts, we sang this song, and the following is what ran through my mind as we sat there, taking everything before God, together. We request your prayers, as life here is not easy, but you are never safer than when you are in the center of where God wants you to be - for the only True safety is found in Christ.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

Gunshot Wounds. Being robbed at gunpoint. Fear for your children, their safety.

Your perfect love is casting out fear

But He is there.

And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life

Not knowing where you'll be the next day...sick children, worries from home.

I won't turn back

He is why we are here. There is no going back

I know you are near

He will never leave me nor forsake me.

And I will fear no evil

Voodoo. Crime. Anger. Desperation.

For my God is with me

He walks us through it all.

And if my God is with me

We know He is

Whom then shall I fear?

No weapon formed against us shall prosper

Whom then shall I fear?

No one is as great as He.

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm

He is the same no matter the circumstance

Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low

I don't get to decide what is good and what is bad

Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

but through it all He takes care of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on

This world is NOT all there is

A glorious light beyond all compare

Knowing Him is better than anything

And there will be an end to these troubles

There are no "sides" in Heaven, just God

But until that day comes

God has us here for now

We'll live to know You here on the earth

But we will strive to follow Him through our daily lives

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on

Hope still exists. Read Revelation.

And there will be an end to these troubles

And this too shall pass.

But until that day comes

We must walk through life here, faithfully

Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

He is Good and Worthy of our praise.

(Thank you Matt Redman for the song You Never Let Go)

PS Mom, this did not all happen to me - don't panic :-)

Spontaneous Worship

2011-10-28T23:24:00.000-04:00

One of the evening rituals around here - at least on weekends, that has emerged lately is an interesting dance between the older boys and older girls. After all the other kids are in bed, these 17 are still up. The girls on the Galri of their house; the boys in the courtyard down below. It usually begins with one group calling out to the other - heckling one another, imitating one another, talking to one another. Thus begins the "conversation." It seems to be more than joking and less than flirting. It's teasing and taunting and childish and fun all rolled into one very loud and seemingly chaotic, yet extremely beautiful dance of energy and noise and love. Tonight as I tried to talk on the phone to Diane about medications for ill children, there seemed to be a riot breaking out in the courtyard. Suddenly a cadence broke through. And then a song. The two blended - a bit back and forth, overlapping, mimicking but not imitating. A give and take. In no time at all we found ourselves sitting in an all out worship service - Haitian style. The girls would sing and dance a song of praise to God. The boys, in response, would beat out on their makeshift drums a song in response. The girls sang another song, the boys another. It was a cross between one of those street dancing movies where you have rival dance crews and a karaoke night. It's an amazing experience to see these kids who have been through so much sing with glad faces about a God who gives and a God who takes away...a God who is Big and Mighty and Strong...a God who loves and cares for them and will continue to provide and be there for them. This is True Worship - the kind done with reckless abandon. The type that springs forth from your soul - unsolicited by others - and bursts forth to bring praise from others. That's what life is supposed to be about. I could have listened for another hour...but it was late, and we must be good parents and encourage the children to get to bed. But it reminded me of a Friday night two weeks ago.

We had a group in from Ventura Mission Church and as their last night we had gathered our chairs in a circle in the Basketball area while the kids watched their weekly movie in the Kitchen area. We were singing worship songs and talking about all the things the group members had learned, seen, and observed while here when we realized the kids movie was over and they had formed a circle of their own, mimicking ours, in the middle of the courtyard. They too began singing worship songs together. Some of the Haitian staff got involved and led the kids in a variety of songs then dancing and singing and chanting. It was so moving! So amazing to see them just enjoying themselves and praising God. We ended up heading over and joining them and the party lasted for at least another hour.

Kyle tells of her toddlers breaking into songs while playing and what a joy it is to catch a glimpse of what goes on in these precious children's heads when they are playing and don't realize they are being watched. That is what I think of when I am lying in bed at night and the girls begin to sing and I want to ask them to be quiet because it's late (9 pm) or early in the morning when I don't want to be awake yet...but then I think, there is nothing that would truly induce me to squelch this beautiful overflow from their hearts, and so I realize how blessed I am to be a witness to their unhindered hearts towards the God who has walked them through amazing trials and in whom their Hope lies.

Haiti

2011-10-26T23:39:00.000-04:00

Since arriving in Haiti I have been praying and grasping and pondering and wrestling with God over my future. Okay so I've been doing that for longer than just being in Haiti, but of all the things I continually bring before God, is what is my future going to look like... Do I go back to Ohio, Oklahoma, Alabama? Work for Redeemer? Get another job? I wish I could really and truly share what life is like here with you all. But I can't. I can't really express with words or photographs what it is like to watch people 50 feet on the other side of your walls dying from starvation. Filthy from the trash, bacteria, and waste that is all around us. 80% of the ground and surface water in Haiti is contaminated with e. coli and other bacteria making it not safe to drink. There are two (at least) little Restavek girls who spend most of their day walking back and forth getting water from our clean water spigot to the houses where their "owners" live. One of them arrived the same day Saintana came to live here. Human Trafficking is real. We see it daily. Infants die from starvation or abandonment. Malnourished kids. One of our wash ladies' child died because she couldn't get the medication she needed for her child.

Last Sunday some of the other staff and I took a drive. We drove for about an hour going down the coast (eastward). We left the larger villages and began to head up into the mountains and drove through these squalid communities. A car full of Blans (whites) driving in their truck, which was more than most of them could ever hope to afford, looking out, and yet most of the children we passed smiled and waved at us and how their eyes lit up when we waved back! We as a staff here, regularly watch this video, a good reminder of why we are here. The only thing I could think was - how do I go home? How do I leave all of this when there are so many who have such need and I am one of the few who have, now, personally bumped into it. I keep asking God, what about the plan - to do ministry development at Redeemer? What about the plan to go home and be near my family, my loved ones? What would you have me do? (A little bit of complete honesty - if I stay, will I ever get married?) and all I got was "How do you go home from this?" Which is not to say - I never go home again.... but not yet. So then God, What now?

While I am sure this doesn't really shock any of you, and I admit I had an inkling I'd be here more than three months, what exactly does this look like? For years I've prayed for a vision for my life...a vision of ministry - or someone whose vision I could get behind and support and make my own. I love what Hands and Feet is doing here, but what I began to get a taste for was "infant rescue". So many children here in Haiti are Social Orphans, meaning they have parents living, but they can't or won't take care of them. Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was a place that could help medically with children (like Crystella and the little twins) while teaching parents how to provide care and empowering their parents to find work (through child care or vocational training)? Rescuing babies - not to be taken from their families but to be restored to God's plan for children to be apart of their biological families if possible, and adoptive families if not (and Hands and Feet can be considered an adoptive family).

Where does that put me? It puts me partnering with Diane (and Dr. Ken)'s new ministry - just down the road. Dr. Ken is starting up a new ministry (Surf Haiti) that will put a church on the beach where people won't be turned away for not being clean enough, and street kids can learn to care about their environment by learning to surf - and the best cleanest surf. Diane and I (Lord willing - I sound like my Grannie :-) ) will be opening an Infant Rescue house - yet to be named. We will have a NICU set up and some cribs for other babies who need rescueing. A clean safe environment, with medical support available. Next door to this (in the duplex) will be a team house, for groups to come in - teams of Nurses and medical personnel to utilize the fully stocked medical clinic and baby house, or professional surfers - and surf enthusiasts to come and enjoy the beauty of Haiti while doing ministry at the same time. This duplex is across the street from Ken and Diane's new home about 5 miles from the Children's Village here.

So that is where I believe God is taking me. I must pray more about logisitics - time frames - finances, etc. But It feels right. Like God is doing something here. I'm not sure how, or if, I'll continue to be at Hands and Feet in some capacity, helping - I love the kids here and the ministry. I have much respect for the work and commitment to quality. I pray hard it will continue to grow in God's direction for the benefit and success of the kids and their vision for orphans who will change Haiti for the better.

2011-10-19T20:06:00.000-04:00

One of our beloved team members left this morning for a new chapter in her life. Emi Pierce leaves behind friends, 10 boys (collectively known as the "naked boys" for their propensity for being naked - their only 3 what do you want from them), parents who love her, a community who will miss her activism and ministry, Magda, and the insanity known as our life in Haiti. I find it humorous that the things we laugh most often about are the daily - sometimes it seems hourly - "disasters" that we endure, usually taken in stride because "this is Haiti." Today, in honor of EMi's departure, they seem to all have happened in unison.

The morning began with no electricity - which isn't all that unusal. EdH (the Haitian Power Company) usually goes off around 4 am and returns some time after 6 am....though lately its been off longer and longer, but as I write this at 4pm we still have no EdH power. Generally we compensate by turning on the generator until EdH comes back on; however today, the generator won't work. Try as they might the guys can't seem to find the problem and therefore no solution...which means no power. Still. Did I mention it's blazing hot? Hotter than it's been in a Haitian month (which may actually only be a week or two but feels like a month). No fans. No Internet. No Water! Our water system requires a pump - which uses electricity...so as I speak we have begun to run out of water in the houses...and still we are sweating away.

In the midst of all of this, Child Services shows up. They only come when Dr. Ken is gone, or so it seems. They also seem to show up when the kids are in school and want to speak with a child who isn't at home because, surprise - they are at school at 10:30 am on a Wednesday. These visits seem to take forever! and Wednesdays are a crazy busy day for us with getting our weekly supplies delivered to each house.

While all of this is going on, my phone rings and the man on the other end of the line announces that he has just spoken to my husband (at which point I got excited because I haven't even spoken to my husband yet, as I'm not married) and he told them I could give them some medicine because their whole mission team was sick.... At which point I realized delirium had probably accompanied his illness and he was just confused when Dr. Ken gave him my phone number.

After hanging up the phone and pondering the likelihood of God revealing my future husband to me via a phone call from a complete stranger (and determining it to be highly unlikely), Cameron returns home from picking up the kids from school. While on his way to the school, he was stopped in a traffic stop in which he may or may not have been the only car stopped - and the only Blanc driving. One a singularly positive note, Odius was nearby and kept him from spending the night (in Haitian time - a week) in a Haitian prison/jail - and to get his American driver license returned.

This has been our day - the Day Emi Left... WE hope it's not indicative of life without her...though I'm sure the universe will be balanced again soon - at least we hope. So as I finish writing this - old school with an actual pen and paper - I realize that the day is not nearly over and I just want to say if the septic system goes out and we have to call Billy PooPoo, it's Stacie Tippett's fault for suggesting it could still get worse.

Epilogue:
Then came the torrential rain - right at dusk. In time for the dark to be even darker - and no power. Water bottles are distributed to all the houses (especially the Baby houses) to get them through the night - we can't find our flashlights and can't find all the babies in the dark - okay so we could, but it sounded funny - and it did make counting noses difficult. And now I hear the glorious sound of the generator and the lights have flickered and come on! Praise God for electricity.

Church on the Beach

2011-10-17T23:07:00.000-04:00

We held our first church on the beach...Dr. Ken started playing his guitar... we were singing... and these guys showed up. - sorry for the bad sound quality but it was recorded on my digital camera that is several years old so don't expect that much from old technology...

We think maybe they liked their music better... They played Guantanamera though, which I love, so that was okay. Then they left and we went on with our time together. Part of Dr. Ken's new ministry is to have a church on the beach. It may start with local missionaries but we hope it will quickly expand to include the neighbors. It will be a place where people won't be turned away because they aren't clean enough or they don't have nice enough clothes - which happens here in Haiti.

Photos

2011-10-16T23:14:00.003-04:00

One of the most frustrating things I've come across is not being able to share my experiences in photographic form with everyone. I finally got some to post to Facebook and will share of few of my favorites here. It takes forever! But I will keep trying... It seems to work okay today so I will try to add a few for you all to share the experience. For now this photo shows our two guests. Their mother brought them to us for help. They weighed about 2 and a half pounds each when they got here. We are overdue for a weigh in but the are over 3 lbs now!

This was Kyle's Birthday Party the first week I got here. We bonded, and had a good time! The Restaurant was really good and had a fabulous view of the ocean.

One of my little girls! Isn't Melissa adorable? She is ALWAYS this photogenic too! Haven't gotten a bad photo of her yet!

Here they are today (okay so yesterday) at one month old! Getting so big!

Crystella and the Miracle Twins

2011-10-06T12:51:00.000-04:00

Another week has passed and here I sit. I can't even begin to explain how the days fly by and yet it feels as though another month has passed. We had quite an eventful week this week. On Monday we had a young mother come to our driveway asking for some assistance. When Stacie went out to meet her, she asked her to come on into the big house to evaluate her needs. The young mother then handed a tiny baby wrapped in a towel to Stacie, that's when she realized there were two babies! We brought them in and weighed them. Little boy, Wendi, was 2 lbs. 10 oz. Little girl, Wendia, was 2 lbs. 8 oz. You could see his ribs, his bones. He lay limp, barely moving. Wendia, looked somehow better; stronger. She immediately curled up in a ball and began to whimper. We changed their diapers and found them some premie clothes and started asking questions. Crystella, new mother, recent widow (the twins father died of Cholera back in June). Living with a friend, sleeping on the floor and not receiving any help with the babies, she didn't eat consistently but when she could. The doctor told her she was anemic so not to try breastfeeding. I am told most Haitians don't nurse because of a superstition or lack of information, but who knows all the reasons, I just know that here is another example of poverty being more than a lack of money. Imagine you don't know that you can provide for your child or that it's better for them to nurse...so you give up your child so they can have access to formula...or worse you watch them starve from sugar water because that's all you think you can give them! Crystella said they were born 4 weeks premature, but look like it could be more than that. The babies, 15 days old, had only had sugar water to eat, three times a day, no one had told her they should eat more often than that. We gave them their first bottles...each ate 1/2 an ounce. She was told at the hospital she won't be able to have any more children and wants to keep her babies, but she needed help. What kind of help did she come to us looking for? Just help. Whatever we can give her. We fed her lunch and gave her some water to drink while we examined the babies. We gave her some diapers and enough high calorie-premie formula to feed the babies for a day and asked her to come back the next morning...Dr. Ken and Diane, our Directors, were in Port-Au-Prince and we weren't sure what we would be able to do. Stacie and I discussed paying for formula ourselves if we need be. We prayed she would be back the next morning and the babies would live another day.Tuesday morning came and went, with no sign of them- but this is Haiti, and everything runs on island time so just after lunch, she returned with both babies. This time Ken and Diane were both here, as was Mark, the Executive Director/Founder of Hands and Feet. We brought them in and checked them over. Diane asked most of the same questions and then some. After discussing our options, we offered for Crystella and babies to stay with us for a few weeks, to see if we can't get them stable, and help the young mother out. We asked if she needed to go get clothes, or her belongings and she replied yes. We asked if we could keep the babies here to avoid the stress of a crowded, bouncy TapTap (think 3rd world taxi/bus in the back of a truck) and the germs off the street, again she replied yes. We immediately sprang into action setting up a nursery in the front room of the upstairs baby house. Stacie tended the babies. Cameron brought up a bed for Crystella. Mark brought up a new Mattress. Diane found a bassinet - of sorts - and some more formula. Kyle found clothes and Diapers. I made the bed, got the hand sanitizer out and started making it ready for all three new occupants. We moved the babies upstairs. When Crystella returned, we showed her to her new accommodations. Nurse arrived. By 6pm we had introduced Nurse to them all and asked her to watch over them if they needed anything. Stacie and I made sure they knew how to get to our room if they needed anything during the night. Crystella ate and slept and slept and slept and slept. For almost two days I think she was only awake to eat or nurse. The best we can guess she hadn't really recovered from the birthing process let alone taking care of twins alone. We split the day up into three hour shifts each (Emi, Kyle, Stacie, and I) taking one and allowing Nurse and the baby nannies to cover the night, unless an emergency arose. I picked the first shift going until 10 am. The first morning I walked in to the nursery to check on everyone and there was Nurse: eating, feeding a baby and staring at Crystella while she slept (this is called active supervision). She said the night had gone well, I wondered if she'd watched them sleep all night or if she had gotten any rest herself.When Eliazer arrived we sat down to talk about some things/get Crystella situated. It was our goal not to take over care for the babies entirely but to teach their mama how to care for them and create the best environment where they can thrive...while providing whatever support we can for her. We explained that the best thing for all would be if she could nurse, we put her on prenatal vitamins, and plenty of food and clean water. I take her a snack (High Calorie Protein shake) first thing and then Breakfast around 8:30am. Lunch arrives at noon via Stacie. Kyle comes with an afternoon snack or two, usually Avacado (or Zaboka in Kreole), or peanut butter and crackers. Then Emi follows up with dinner around 7 pm. I'm not sure Crystella has ever had so much food available to her, but we want her body to produce as much milk as she can so we are trying to give her the best chance we can. Formula will make her dependent upon someone to supply it, nursing means she only must find a way to feed herself when the time comes for her to leave. We are bottle feeding between nursing to increase their calories and chances. Wendi is nursing well. Wendia on the otherhand hasn't gotten the hang of latching on very well, so most of her feeding is by dropper. We are praying for a breast pump so she can at least get some of her mom's milk that way. Each baby is receiving Kangaroo Care for a couple hours a day, and are beginning to thrive. Friday, Wendi reached for his mom and hugged her when she picked him up - the first sign of enough muscle tone to move on his own! He started moving to see where sounds are coming from also. We have a nurse who came in this week to work at a different mission in town. She has been gracious enough to come by each day and work with Crystella on care and techniques. Crystella is a great mom! Everything we ask of her, she does. Anything she sees us doing, she imitates as well. She is learning so much and practicing the skills she is learning. I am inspired by her clear devotion and love for her little ones. I pray for her, that they survive. I pray for her that she be healthy and live a long life with her children. I pray she would learn to recognize the One who has walked her through all of this. Just being in the room with the twins is being in the presence of not just one but two miracles!Today the babies have each gained weight! They both weigh in at 2 lbs 14 oz! I got asked to attend their baptism at church...I think... My creole is non existent and I had a hard time following what the nannies were interpreting for me ;-) I guess we will see...

Tiny Tiger Walk

2011-10-01T21:54:00.000-04:00

Have you ever felt so hot that you aren't quite sure where the heat is coming from? The air, the ground, the people around you? Everything adds to the intensity of it? The type of day where there seems to be steam instead of air? Welcome to Haiti. Not every day, but often enough and definitely today. To know me is to know that I don't get too hot. (To illustrate, I live in Haiti and sleep with three blankets on my bed - though I'm not always under all three of them). I'd rather be hot than cold. I hate shoes - but wear flip flops as a concession to the social convention of wearing them. I love being in the country, and animals and children make me very happy.

Around here, my favorite time of day is about 5pm. The sun has fallen behind the requisite buildings/tress and the center of our compound is shaded. The older kids are usually on the "basketball court" listening to music and playing. If you sit and rock on the front Galri of the Big House, you can hear shouting, laughing, singing - all in Kreyole so you probably wouldn't understand it, but it's the same noises and intonations you hear anywhere children frolic. Then comes what I (as an Auburn alumnus) like to call the Tiny TigerWalk. As the heat dissipates, little voices are heard. "Kylo!" (Calling Kyle) They come out in a trickle, like a stream one at a time. The first stops to wait for another. They clasp hands and begin their nightly ritual of walking down the driveway to the gate and back. Their daily outing. Holding hands in groups of twos or threes, our nine toddlers exit Kay Kyle and begin to meander their way across the gravel yard to the drive. Occasionally distracted by interesting things, like rocks and a stray sandal here or there, they gradually make their way to the first gate. Our driveway begins and ends with gates. For weeks they would always be accompanied by many nannies and older kids, but by now they are old pros at this, and walk confidently toward their destination. Kyle or Tabby begin the procession while the other usually brings up the rear. Diane and I often take this opportunity to pull out the jogging strollers and walk three or four babies too. At the end we find ourselves in the midst of the fray on the basketball court as the older kids beckon the youngest of our numbers to come and join them. One large family having an awesome party!

One Month in Haiti

2011-09-18T14:59:00.004-04:00

The following is more or less an email I sent out this morning to friends and family....which I am posting here as I realized how many email addresses I don't have or how many are old and out of date. Note to self, update contacts list. So without further ado:

My first official email newsletter is one month late, though I have started many drafts, here I sit with so much to share and not sure how best to start. I live in a children's village here near Jacmel in the direction of Cayes Jacmel in Cyvadier (which you won't find on a map). We are East of the Jacmel airport and if you look in Satellite view, I'm pretty sure we are hidden by the cloud.

It's been quite an adventure so far, I've met the most interesting people and visited the (in my life prior to this) unlikeliest places (with the possible exception of when Michelle and I took a detour on the wrong bus in Mexico). I've visited the cleanest little shack, one room for five people that was just big enough for one person to turn around in and two beds up on blocks because the house floods when it rains...we took pictures to see if we can't find someone to help fix the roof (their only complaint)... Another house that only has a bed sheet for a roof and inside lives two 18 month olds with sickle cell anemia, so bad they haven't learned to stand yet, because they are too weak. And a few other places I won't mention here because I don't know how to properly describe or explain. If you've been to a third world country and left the main streets you can probably imagine, and if not, I don't know how to tell you, pictures would never even begin to show it (and that says a lot for someone who loves photography).

The children here are so beautiful, even when their arms show clear signs of malnutrition and starvation they smile and play and share with one another. The children's village has 66, 67 hopefully as of Monday provided her TB test comes back negative, children. Each with their own story and each with a unique personality. One of the most amazing stories, I am simply putting a link to my friend, and fellow worker here, Stacie's blog, as she has written it so beautifully.

The question I have gotten most often from people so far is what does a day look like for you, so here I will do my best to describe one for you:

Monday thru Saturday look almost the same for me... I wake up about 5/5:30 and spend some time reading my Bible and preparing for my day. I head down around 7 am to unlock the Big House and start laundry. I go over to the baby house and collect their dirty clothes hamper and Emmanuel - the sweetest little 9 month old boy- and return to start laundry. Then I snuggle Emmanuel until he falls asleep for his morning nap - if that happens before the breakfast bell at 8 I take him to his bed and get another baby, usually Jacob or Mirlande, and snuggle them until they fall asleep or I finish my breakfast. Our morning staff meeting occurs over breakfast where everyone takes turns listing their goals for the day. From there we adjourn to Bible study for 30 minutes. At this point the day begins in full swing. I try to spend my mornings with the 9 little girls that are "mine" ages 4-6. Usually this consists of jump rope, hand-clap games, or coloring/crafts. The boys often join us as they get upset that I "only do things with the girls." Lunch is at noon and is usually either beans and rice or pasta and chicken legs or hot dogs. With fried plantains and a bit of lettuce or tomato slices for side dishes. Then I try to get the administrative things I need to get done, accomplished. Stacie and Cameron have been gone for three weeks so I've been handling the ordering and delivery of our weeks supplies and making sure each house has what they need. I am also coordinating with groups coming in (which will be my main administrative function when Stacie gets back). By four most of the compound has found shade and the kids begin to come out of their houses - we believe in siestas around here to avoid the heat of the day. Three of the older girls, Valencia, Georgina, and Thaina have been helping Diane and I walk the babies up and down the driveway. We have 11 under the age of one, and they don't get out of their houses much. All the kids like to play with them and usually want to help. The boys will often volunteer to push the strollers and if there is only one or two, we let them, more than that becomes a destructive force we aren't willing to subject the strollers, or babies to. The stereo often comes out about this time and music and dancing/ community begins to happen at the basketball court as the kids and nannies gather to talk and play. The toddlers often come and join in the fun. It can be crazy. The babies often take an evening nap around 5:30 so as they begin to fall asleep we put them in their beds. Dinner is at six and consists of whatever ingredients lunch didn't consist of, and sometimes the same ingredients put together a bit differently. We often unwind after dinner by watching a tv episode someone has on DVD - we just finished season 2 of White Collar. Then I'm in bed by 9 and ready to do it all again the next day.

Sundays are a bit more relaxed as the kids are gone all morning to church. We do church together here and then take it easy, sometimes go to the beach, though I'm skipping that as I got very dehydrated this week and i am avoiding the sun (good luck to me - note to self you are on a tropical island this may be difficult) for a couple days. I feel better today but it's easy to loose track of how much you sweat around here, so even when you think you are drinking enough water you probably aren't. For the most part it's hot and humid, the nannies in the baby houses laugh at how much I perspire - I don't know why they don't keep the fans on more soothe air will move - that alone keeps me a lot cooler - when I come into the upstairs nursery the nannies go ahead and hand me a cloth to wipe my face with! Lol.

We made it through an outbreak of chicken pox in the baby houses pretty quickly. And it doesn't seem to have spread beyond a couple of the toddlers. We are getting ready for school to start in October, and have been sizing uniforms and making sure everyone is ready. I'm sure once school gets going again my day will shift and look totally different.

For those of you still reading this massively long email (post), thank you for your love and support! There is so much to be done in Haiti, and most of it is long term; not the throw aid at people type of relief that seems to happen in many places. I am blessed by the opportunity to be here and thank you each for your support. Send me emails or facebook me. Let me know what is going on at home, as I get a bit disconnected from the rest of the world.

Emmanuel

2011-09-12T12:28:00.001-04:00

My baby. I don't know if any of you recall my telling you about him when I returned in March. I fell in love with him back then. He is so sweet. The most chill kid you have ever met. At four months, he was just happy to be in the nursery. content. rarely crying. Number one adjective to describe him then: Relaxed. Fast forward a few months... Today, he's a little over 8 months old. He has the most adorable crooked smile and dimple you have ever seen (I might be a little partial- but I doubt it). When I arrived a few weeks ago, he was the only baby in his house not actually crawling yet..he was still doing the tummy shuffle - military style and that not very efficiently. I get to spend some time everyday with him. Usually early in the morning before the other kids have left their houses for breakfast, I go and get him (and the laundry - yes I'm still doing laundry for more than 11 people daily) and spend an hour or so snuggling him. by 7:30 he's ready for a nap and he falls asleep while I rock him on the Galri of the Big House. Since arriving, he's really taken off - and I mean he's a little speed turtle (thank you Sandra Boynton). He's also started chattering - I think talking will come soon. I put him in bed a couple days ago and he pulled up on the side - a first for him - and reached for me to hold him again. He's definitely decided that I belong to him - which is okay by me...although he doesn't like to share me. He is really starting to flourish and his little personality comes more alive each day! It's so fun to watch him. He often waits for me at the door of the nursery, and on Saturday, Diane said he got so excited when he heard my voice outside that he threw himself backwards trying to get through the door! Pray for him, his mom is around but has no interest in him or coming to see him. I hope he grows up to be a world changer...he's already changed mine.

Weeping and Wardrobes

2011-08-28T09:47:00.000-04:00

Have you ever seen Yours, Mine, and Ours? The good one with Lucille Ball (not the farse with Dennis Quaid and Rene Russo)? Do you remember the scene where Frank is doing a voiceover about getting life at home ready for school and you see Jean standing in a long dress crying while her dad is hemming it up. He says something to the effect of "have you ever been 4 and had to wear a dress worn by your 5 older sisters and remade by an old sail maker?" I had a moment like that this week.

I went over to the little girls' house and went through their clothes. I took out anything that was torn up, made a mending pile for the items missing buttons or with tears that could be fixed, and put up items that were too small for them. We (Rosamond, Lucy, and I) looked at their shoes to see what they needed in the way of church shoes and sandals. The ground here is really hard on shoes - especially flip flops. At one point the rule was the kids always had to have shoes on, Dr. Ken - the director- said he thinks the original reason for that was to protect against hook worm, but as our soil isn't really moist and there isn't animal feces around in the yard, he hasn't pushed this rule. Still the kids can go through shoes really quickly. I've been here a week and my flip flops are pretty worn down already and I don't run in them.

At any rate. After evaluating their needs, I went into the supply room - it's called the depot - and pulled out several dresses, shorts/skirts and shirts. Then I brought each one in individually and let them pick one of each item to try on. Melusa (which is pronounced a lot closer to Melissa than one might expect) went first. She's four. The smallest of the girls, but also the roundest. Her eyes grew large and an expectant smile spread across her face as we walked into the Depot - It was like Christmas Day! We quickly discovered that the language barrier -as the younger girls haven't learned much English yet, this gets tricky at times - began to become an issue. I tried to explain she could chose one of each item. Using my very poor French skills (which given her age she really only speaks Creole so I was hoping there would be a lot of cognates) and the few Creole words I learned... Jip (zheep) for skirt, wob (wub) for dress, and a word they said was pronounced "My-you" but ought to be chemiz for shirt. It quickly deteriorated into her precious face crumpling into tears as she looked up at me with a look that said her heart was breaking and it was all because she couldn't tell what I wanted from her. So I did what I could - I started putting clothes on her. We finally found items that both fit and that she liked. The tears were wiped away and her dimples came out again. I had to assure her that the skirt and shirt were in fact "pou ou" (for you) before we could move to dresses. In the end she skipped back to the house carrying her new clothes and sent the next girl in.

Alexandra, the newest girl to the group, was last in to pick out her clothes. I let each girl pick who they sent in after she was finished, so it just ended up this way. Alexandra is a sweet little girl. As the newest, she knows the least English of The Nine. She may also be the most appreciative as well. When she came into the depot, she smiled shyly and I tried to get her to pick from the shorts I had laid out. Our interaction went as follows...

Me: "Choose one - chwazi un."
Alexandra: "Mesi" (thank you)
With a general lack of actual selection. She was happy to get whatever I would give her. So I would hold one item up and tried to gauge her expression to see which she liked the best. In a couple minutes we had her new clothes selected and off she went to put them away and get back to her English lesson.

Getting to know the girls...

2011-08-23T09:59:00.000-04:00

I met with Dr. Ken, Rosamond, and Nathalie (Lucy was out of town) yesterday. We discussed a bit that I would be working in their house and a bit of what our thoughts were. Afterwards I realized that with Lucy gone and Nathalie leaving at 2pm each day that put Rosamond to do bedtime alone. So last night I went over and asked Rosamond if it would be helpful for me to come help at bedtime. She said it would so I purposes to come and help. It went quite smoothly.... A bit like a Madeline book ... Eight little girls all in row... Okay so maybe not that orderly, but they brushed their teeth, washed their feet, arms and faces, then knelt down by their beds. Rosamond led them in bedtime prayers, which I couldn't understand but she kept going till they were still and focused. Then into bed they went, lights out and good night kisses. The girls and I practiced saying good night in English - it's a work in progress. I am looking forward to working with her. Today, I am learning from Stacie how to do some of the jobs around here that she does because she will be going home soon for a few weeks. I will try to post pictures in a day or two.

Travel and Blessings

2011-08-22T01:56:00.000-04:00

So my travel here was remarkably uneventful...that being said, I have many instances where God was clearly walking with me - some I didn't even know about at the time. For some reason I was a bit anxious about my travel here - probably because I didn't feel I really knew what my travel plans were once I landed in Haiti - just having faith that God was taking care of them for me. I remember a sermon from Junior High - probably the first one I really ever paid attention to and tried to apply. Pastor Andy Hollinger spoke about "living by Faith" asking God for the little needs and watching Him show up in those areas to build our Faith to ask for the big things. At the time I seem to remember my application involving school and a boy and being quite impressed with How God worked things out... Now that seems like a selfish application yet it really moved me forward in my understanding of living for Christ and trusting Him to come thru as I walk in obedience to the direction He was leading me. Back to my travels, I have had remarkable support from family and friends, especially Tami, who worked so hard to let people know what God was leading me to do. That in and of it's self is an answer to prayer because I know that my being here is the result of many people giving to the work here and to the vision of what Hands and Feet wants to do in the lives of these kids and in Haiti.

So I landed in Ft. Lauderdale on Friday afternoon after circling the city for 45 minutes because of rain and lightening. My bag was not checked all the way to Haiti because my layover was so long, so I got my bag -47 lbs and headed to the hotel shuttle area which was clearly marked - as being in the opposite direction from where it was. After asking three people for help someone finally explained where i needed to go - by now my arms were aching from carrying my duffle while having my camping back pack and carry-on bag all on me as well - I'm sure I was quite the sight! The rain began to fall harder and I was having a difficult time staying dry with the wind blowing and walking beyond the overhang. A young man walking the other direction stopped and asked if he could help me with my bag. At first I declined because it was so far and in the opposite direction from where he was headed by he offered again so I accepted. He carried it all the way to the other end of the next concourse for me!

The next morning I rose early and headed for the airport about 5 am. The sitting in the airport was long and boring as there was no one to call at that time of morning and little to do to entertain myself. Still the flight got off without a hitch, I swapped seats with a man so he could sit by his nephew on the flight and moved to the back of the plane. I sat next to two very nice, but non-talkative men. I realized at some point filling out my immigration form that I didn't know the address of where I was heading. Neither of my neighbors had cell phones that were turned on yet in Haiti so they couldn't help me but the one to my left offered to get his friend to let me use his once we landed - I did have a phone number. One of the flight attendants approached me and asked if i was going to an orphanage. I replied that i was and she asked if i could take some donations. She had two paper sacks of clothes and flip flops her sons school had collected to donate. She said she always tried to find someone to donate to when she flew to port-au-prince. The line through customs was long And I ended up at the end of the slowest line. I was three people away from the front when I heard my name! Michelle, who works at the Port-au-Prince site was there to meet me. Se helped me gather my bags and head out to the vans. Kyle and I headed out to Jacmel while the others (Mark, Will, Shannon, Cora, and Michelle) headed to the Grand Guave site. Kyle told me the fact that I got here on a one way ticket was pretty impressive they often require people to buy a return ticket before letting them come! Thank God for that. There were more little blessings along the way... The man who sat next to stayed with me until I met up with Michelle - which was kind of him.

So here I am. Taking time today to get to know the girls and to see what I think needs to happen in their house. Dr. Ken got me set up with a Haitian cell phone so I have that now and I may be able to call home on occasion which is good news as I look forward to hearing voices of my loved ones before three months are up :-). More to come...

Thank you!

2011-08-19T22:24:00.003-04:00

I fly out early in the morning and wanted to take the opportunity to say thank you to everyone who is/ has supported me in this! I am very excited to be going and will try to let you all know when I get settled in :-)

My Girls!

2011-07-28T18:27:00.003-04:00

I found out the names of the girls I will be living with in Haiti. Lejeane, Alexandra (check it out we have the same birthday!), Luca, Loveda, WaWane, Melusa, Barbara (Yes Andy, I get Barbara!), Clara, and Junette. I am looking forward to getting to know them all. I hear they have tons of energy! Kyle, who oversees the baby house in Jacmel, sent me a message a couple days ago telling me she found the little girls blaring music and dancing around their house the other morning. I can't wait to get there and for us to have dance parties - just maybe at a better time of day ;-)

The Adventure is About to Begin...

2011-07-28T17:39:00.004-04:00

In 23 days I will arrive in Haiti to work with Hands and Feet Project at the Children's Village in Cyvadier, a village just east of Jacmel on the southern shore. As many of you know, Haiti is a country plagued with corruption, poverty and hardship. The mission of the Hands and Feet children's village is to raise up the children in their care, not to be adopted out to other countries (though a very few are), but rather to love them, educate them and train them to then, as adults, be responsible, capable, loving members of the Haitian society who can effect a change to improve their nation.

My plan, though I know God often changes plans, and I am open to His direction, is to spend three months in Haiti before returning to the states. The three month internship is an unpaid position and if you would like to help support my time there financially, or contribute to the ministry in general there are a couple ways to do that. The first is to write a check to Redeemer Church in Norman (let me know if you need an address) and put something in the memo line about Hands and Feet, the second is to donate directly through hands and feet through their website. Both of these should be tax deductible contributions.

Two other ways to contribute would be through prayer support and moral support! I won't have phone access, which is how I usually keep in touch with people. So, emails and facebook messages will be greatly welcomed! I will try to keep my blog and facebook updated to share with you all what is happening and specific ways you can pray for me and the children (and other staff).

Thanksgiving Trip, Part I

2010-11-23T16:48:00.003-05:00

Thanksgiving in most families consists mainly of a meal, perhaps an extra extra long weekend and football. Not so in my family. For us, this is the ULTIMATE holiday. The time everyone comes together and spends about a week together. It is full of some of my favorite holiday traditions such as Day-after-Thanksgiving-bowling and a newer tradition Giggleberry Mountain. It also coinsides with both my uncle and grandmother's birthdays, so you can imagine the celebrations go all week. This year we have the honor of two extra guests, from England. Listening to Trevor, my cousin's boyfriend, and his mother and brother has been quite fun. It has also been nice getting to know them a bit better. Tonight is Uncle John's birthday and so I am heading out the door, but I promise to write more later, as I should probably get back to blogging.

Sweet Home Alabama

2009-06-09T19:43:00.002-04:00

I must begin with an "Ode to Home". There are two places that have made indelible impressions upon my heart, mind, perhaps my very soul. The essence of these localities have become a part of who I am. Without them I would not be me. They have influenced my life; they inspire my heart. They are very different from one another, and made their impressions upon me in very different ways, for very different reasons.

Tonight I sit in the house that I have considered my "home" for most of my life - though I've never really lived here - and I ponder what makes this place so wonderful. I know instantly the answer to that is the people who inhabited this place. For all those who never knew my Grannie and Granddaddy, I am sorry. They were truly remarkable people. This month marks the one year anniversary of Granddaddy's passing and it has been a hard year, in many respects. I miss him so very, very much. The life that has filled these rooms is almost tangible. When I wake each morning I think of Granddaddy waking me up at 5:30 am in the summers to eat breakfast with him before he went to work, and I would crawl back in bed. As I drift off to sleep I think of Grannie sleeping on the floor with me, my brother, and our cousin, giggling until who knows how late and finally offering to pay the first one to go to sleep $5.00. Every inch of this house holds such fond memories for me. But it isn't just the two whom I miss and love so dearly who made/make this place so wonderful... it's the family I still have here.

It was here that I learned to ride a horse. To drive a car/truck/tractor. The right way to eat a watermelon (go to the garden, pick one, bust it open, eat the heart out of it, feed the rest to the cows). To wave to everyone who drives by. And what FAMILY really means. Last night as my cousin and I were coordinating our plans for lunch today, our phones were not cooperating. My cell gets sporadic service on a good day (the house phone got switched back on today - hurray) and her phone was having issues as well. I was standing on the back deck, in a chair (picture really bad cellphone commercial - Can you hear me now) when I hear very faintly... Taaaamaaarrraaa! I look out across the field and my cousin is standing on her porch. She yells - I'll see you at noon tomorrow!. We proceeded to make our arrangements the old fashioned way and then each went inside.

Sound country? It is. And I LOVE it. I love that my family expects me to just walk in and holler "Hey!" and that they do the same thing. That my uncle checks on me at least once a day to make sure I'm okay and see if I need anything. That Whiddon sees me at the barn and takes me by the hand and says, "let's go inside" because he wants to play with the vaccuum cleaner (which I still don't know why we have because we have NO CARPETING). I love that when I have a headache it is considered stupid of me to drive to town for medicine when there are at least 5 houses within 1/2 a mile that I could (and am expected to) raid the medicine cabinet when I need something.

Can you spell dreamy???

2009-03-21T10:51:00.002-04:00

So I got on to post on something else, but the following phone conversation occurred while I was trying to get started so I HAD to write it.

Kaileyn: No, we don't have any milking does available for sale.

Person on the phone: mmmmmwwwahhh (I couldn't hear the other end of the conversation)

Kaileyn: Yes, we have a website, you can look up. It's "Dreamy Hollow dot com"

Person: mmmmwwwahhh

Kaileyn: No, D.

Person: mmmwwwahh

Kaileyn: No. D

Tami: Say D as in Dog

Kaileyn: No. D

Tami: Say D as in Dog

Kaileyn: D...... R

Person: mmmwwaahh

Kaileyn: E.

Person: mmwwahh

Kaileyn: No, E.

Person: mmwwahh

Tami: USE ANIMALS

Kaileyn: A..... No. A.

Person: mmmwaahh

Tami: USE ANIMALS, E as in Elephant.

Kaileyn: M as in Mammal.

Tami and I laughed at this: Not quite what I meant.

Kaileyn: Y as in Yak. Hyphen. H like Horse.

Person: hmmmsh

Me: Ooooh! Use Octopus, use octopus!

Kaileyn: O like Octopus. L like Lama. Another L for Lama. W for Walrus.

Person: mmmhhh

Kaileyn: Dot.

Person: mmhhhhh?

Kaileyn: Dot..... No. Dot

Person: chhdms

Kaileyn: Dot (now I won't actually write the fact that I think she had to tell the lady "Dot" 5 or 6 times before moving on, but I promise she actually did).

Kaileyn: C as in Cat. O for Octopus. M for mammal.

Person: mmchchhchc

Kaileyn: Okay, have a nice day. (hangs up). I promise she asked if we had a website!

I laughed hard! It was really entertaining.

A visit to historic Fort El Reno

2009-03-19T12:14:00.007-04:00

We visited Fort El Reno and Naithen told me all the things missing in the room. Of course he had amnesia when we went to video it. My battery died right before he told us... "Oh, and they don't have any pants!" Enjoy...

La, La, La, La, What?!?!

2009-03-16T17:12:00.003-04:00

So I keep telling myself that I need to post on something or someone other than Naithen and then he does something really funny. This morning we were working on saying the L sound because he calls his brothers Wance and Wayne instead of Lance and Layne.

Tami (Naithen's Mother): La, La, La, Lance.

Naithen: La, La, La, Wance.

Tami: No, La, La, La, LLLLLance.

Naithen: La, laaa, Laaaaa, Wance.

Tami: La, La, Laaaa---

Naithen (interrupting): La, La, La, Shain is going outside can I go with him?

Since we were laughing so hard, we had to let him go. Lesson over - or at least I think we learned that while practicing sounds, Naithen isn't connecting that the La, la, La is the first sound in Lance.

The Future

2009-03-15T01:22:00.005-04:00

Today, Naithen told us what his future was going to be like. --In his own words, or close to it--

1) I am going to marry my wife. (Point in fact, this will probably happen, only she won't be his wife until after they are married).
2) We are going to make breakfast and eat it. (Chances are good this too will happen).
3) We will get a two-person bed and both sleep in it like Mommy and Daddy. (Another one to most likely come true).
4) We will have kids, but she isn't going to have kids today, tomorrow, or Sunday or Wednesday, and tell them what to do. (What else are kids for :-) )
5) We will go shopping and buy food and eat it when we get home.

So I think he may be 5 for 5. It's nice to know he can be fairly confident that his plans will happen the way he hopes they will. Of course then again, yesterday he told me he was going to be Batman when he grew up, so I guess nothing is set in stone.

Naithen and the Coyotes

2009-03-13T10:04:00.007-04:00

Sometimes life is hard when you are number 9 in a line of 11. First off, you don't get away with very much because there are so many people older than you keeping you in line. Second, in Naithen's own words "why are there so many people in charge of me?" - there are lots of people older than you who feel free to tell you what to do. Now this isn't necessarily a bad thing, like when you keep trying NOT to do something and 5 people in succession give you the same "Naithen, you need to go clean up your toys."

One day Naithen told his Mommy, "I want to go to my REAL Mommy's house."

"I don't know where that is," replied his mother.

"It's past Mimi and Granddad's, past guitar, go south, go north, go east, go west and keep going past everyone and then you get there."

These, by the way, are the same directions to get to his soccer practice, because at 4 he's too young to play on a team here, but would really like to play like his big brothers.

So that was a really long rabbit trail to tell you of the plight of little Naithen one night, when everyone wanted him to do something and he just didn't want to comply. So, he got sent to bed. Now I must preface this by telling you that he really is a sweet little boy, with a sweet spirit and the following is NOT normal for him and because of it's unusualness I did find it kind of funny. After sitting on his bed for a while, I went in to tell him goodnight and tuck him in. This is when he told me he wanted coyotes to come and eat his family (I had visions of Home Alone run through my mind).

Me: That would be very sad. I don't want to be eaten.

Naithen: Then they couldn't tell me what to do anymore.

Me: Let's have pleasant thoughts and go to sleep.

Naithen: I need my blankie.

Me: Okay, I'll go get it. It's not in the freezer, is it?

Naithen: No, but when you get it will you call the Coyotes?

Me: So they can eat us?

Naithen: Yes.

Me: No. ( I went and got his blanket and came back in the room)

Naithen: Did you call the coyotes?

Me: No. I don't want to be eaten.

Naithen: Fine. Goodnight. (Then he gave me a kiss).

Me: Goodnight.

The next morning he told me he was glad the coyotes hadn't come to eat us. I told him I was glad too.

"To eliminate a necklace would have taken another half hour"

2009-03-10T21:03:00.004-04:00

That has always been one of my favorite lines from Simply Irresistible. Today, Natylee had a day like that. She came to get me from the kitchen to tell me it was time to get dressed. We went to her closet and started looking at outfits.

Me: Do you want pants or a dress?
Natylee: Yes.
Me: Well, which one?
Natylee: That one.
Me: This one?
Natylee: Yes. (I hand her a hot pink skort and yellow shirt with pink lollypop on the front).
Me: Do you want help.
Natylee: Me do.
Me: Okay.
Natylee: I want that one. (pointing at denim jumper with light pink and blue flowers on the front).
Me: You can't wear both. Pick one.
Natylee: Okay. (then she runs out of the room and comes back wearing the following - white leggings, Hot pink skort, YEllow longsleeve t-shirt, AND the Jumper).

Yes - you read that correctly - she wore two complete outfits all day today. I'll try to post a pictre.

Naithen Week

2009-03-08T15:06:00.003-04:00

So apparently this is Naithen week on Gypsy Feet - speaking of the title of this blog... I don't know why it says "style" at the top and I can't make it disappear. Oh well.

Okay let me share some pertinent informaiton with you. First off, you must understand that Naithen likes to entertain his youngest sister, Eilyse, who is almost 4 months old by standing in front of her and holding his hands up in front of his eyes like binoculars and saying "Glasses on," then he moves his hands behind his back and says "Glasses off." This is then repeated over and over and over getting faster and faster and faster, much to Eilyse's delight. She will just laugh and laugh at him.

Okay so now that you have the background, here is what happened last night...

I'm sitting - and by sitting I mean I was more wallowing/slouching as I was really tired - on the couch waiting for everyone to show up so we can start our movie for family night, when Naithen walks up and stands in front of me. He then proceeds to position his face in front of mine like he does when he's talking to Eilyse.

Naithen: Glasses on, Glasses off, Glasses on, Glasses off, Glasses Ahh--- Why are you not smiling?

Me: I am sorry I was tired. Here (large smile).

Naithen: That's better. Glasses on, Glasses off, Glasses on, Glasses off... (Furrow's his brow).

Me: What is wrong now?

Naithen: You aren't doing what Eilyse does.

Me: What is that?

Naithen: It just isn't fun if you don't do what Eilyse does.

Me: Well, if you don't tell me what Eilyse does, I can't do it.

Naithen: Eilyse kicks her feet and drools.

Me: Hmmm, so I think you need to go find Eilyse because I'm not drooling to make you happy and if I kick my feet I'll kick you.

Naithen: (Large frown, slumped shoulders). Eilyse thinks I'm funny.

At this point I was rolling on the floor just trying to picture myself kicking my feet, drooling and babbling like an infant just to make a 4 year old feel better about himself. Maybe I'm selfish - but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

People are Funny

2009-03-06T23:41:00.005-05:00

I have long thought that people are funny. We do the strangest things and then think it is the other people who are weird. It's the funny quirks that make us so endearing to one another.

Let's take Naithen for instance. He's 4. I had been trying to get the little guy to sleep between two sheets instead of under a bunch of blankets that then had to be washed and it was a little frustrating. One day while making up his bed - which meant putting back on the flat sheet he kept taking off - I explained he was to sleep inside the pocket. This was an idea he LOVED! So much so that he would cry if something happened to his "pocket" at bedtime.

A couple days later I opened the freezer to get something out of it and I found Naithen's blankey inside. That seemed strange, so I took it out and set it on the counter. An hour later - it's nap time - Naithen goes running to the freezer to get his blanket. Yep. Apparently he puut it there himself. And burst into tears that is was gone. Not because it was missing, but because he "wanted it nice and cold for snuggling with." - This from the kid with four blankets on his bed and a corn bag that I have to heat up to keep him warm everynight. I'm thinking we might be able to skip a blanket or two off the bed.

So Sad...

2009-03-01T23:55:00.002-05:00

Here I am writing again. I've decided it's time to start blogging again and I have absolutely NO - zip-zero-zilch idea where to begin. It's been almost a year since I last commented my lack of posts, so I make no promises to be better - except that my friend Kyndra and I decided that for lint this year we would start blogging. So here I am with an - almost, okay so totally - pathetic entry back into blogging. It's been a long time. So very much has happened in my life since I stopped blogging. Here I am to say that I'm back - at least for now and we'll have to talk soon about the craziness that is my life.

Way Too Long, Again...

2008-05-08T23:29:00.002-04:00

So very many decisions and things going on... It'll be a long while before I post again Too much to do between now and then.... Hope everyone is doing well. :-)

A Blessed Thanksgiving

2007-11-27T21:56:00.000-05:00

So I love my family... I had a great Thanksgiving. My Aunt makes some of the most delicious food and spending time all of us in one place is so great! My cousin and I have such good times. I am so blessed and I thank God for each one of them. The thing is... I'm a military brat. So it seems that no matter how much I love them and how great my time is, I don't feel completely at home. And that's not exactly true. I mean Michelle and I have the greatest adventures together and I wouldn't change a moment of our time together - okay so maybe of few of the moments that Michelle remembers when we were kids and apparently I terrorized her, but honestly I don't remember having access to duct tape as an 8 year old. And I'm sure if I did anything it was because she seemed to have so much freedom and feel so comfortable at our grandparents house and I was just the temporary grandchild. The one that goes home and you only think about again next summer.

That's not to say that I don't know my family loves me - because I know they do... and I honestly love them. But I don't feel at home there, because it's not home. I guess home, for me, is keeping in touch with the people I love - and I'm starting to get used to that. What I'm working on now is understanding that for people who have had the priviledge of living in one place and having roots, is that they don't think about keeping in touch when people aren't around everyday. And I'm learning - or hoping - that just because they don't call me, and I have to be the one to call them, doesn't mean they don't care, it's just we have different concepts of home and family.

So this Thanksgiving I was blessed by seeing my family in a new way. A good way. And understanding them just a little better.

2007-11-17T22:16:00.001-05:00

So I promised pictures from Mexico and I never really posted any so, here is one from the day Michelle and I spent on Banderas Bay. We did some Sea Kayaking and Michelle did some Snorkeling. It was a great day - music was throw back to high school so it was a bit of a blast from the past. But a good time just the same.

Upside Down Christmas Trees

2007-11-09T15:53:00.000-05:00

Has anyone else seen this new trend?? What's up with that? Laura and I were talking last week about Holiday trends and this is one I hope doesn't catch on. Although on some levels it's an interesting and space saving idea - it just seems wrong. But then I started pondering Christmas Trees in general - we chop down a living tree and put it on our living room, back in the day they set it on fire (or at least the candles on it), throw food on it in the form of candy and popcorn balls and sit around singing and staring at it. Then we "enjoy" it for a month and finally throw it out with the trash.

Not really a logical thought process when you think about it. And yet, after all of that, I still think it seems wrong to hang it upside down from the ceiling.

Lack of Posting...

2007-11-03T22:17:00.000-04:00

So every time I decide "I'm going to be consistent in the posting thing" I end up doing well for a day or two and then fall off. Why? Well part of the problem is that any time my life seems truly "Blog worthy" is also when it is at its busiest. For instance, I tried to post regularly while in Mexico - which I did. Unfortunately there are at least two posts I started, never finished, never posted and still hang out to see if I will go back and post even though it's all old stuff.

So here is the run down of my last few months.... Mexico, Ohio for two weeks, a week in Virginia, back for 4 days, 3 days in Alabama, back again for 3 weeks, 1 week in Los Angeles, 4 days in Hawaii, 2 weeks in Ohio, 3 whole days in Oklahoma, and now I've been back for a week and a half. In all that craziness, there have been plenty of things to write about, but not as much time to write.

Since my friend Andi, check the link on the side for Old Comfy Shoes, says this is the month to post everyday, I'm going to try to post every week! I'm trying for something achievable.

This is hilarious!

2007-08-24T22:07:00.001-04:00

This is the funniest Ebay listing ever!!!

LOT OF POKEMON CARDS THAT MY KIDS TRIED TO SNEAK BY ME - (eBay item 130144061675 end time Aug-22-07 12:03:50 PDT)

ENJOY!

Los Caballos

2007-08-08T22:12:00.000-04:00

Michelle and I went horseback riding while we were in Mexico. There were people of all ages and a range of experience. There was a little 3 year old who had never seen a horse before. They took a towel and laid it in the front of the saddle then had the little girl sit on the towel with a trail hand. She did a great job! She wasn't afraid of the horse at all and did a stellar job of staying calm. There was so much excitement for the little one that during the two hour return trip to the hacienda, she fell asleep. On the horse. She was completely out. When the Trail Hand got back to the ranch, he dismounted and rested her on his shoulder while he used his other arm to help others off their mounts. When her mother returned to the house, he passed her off and smiled saying "No more tequila!" Which was about the only thing I heard him say all day.

Un Dia a La Playa

2007-08-07T22:42:00.000-04:00

A day at the Beach, was well deserved. We took the day to relax and rest. I got a little too much sun on my back and legs - two places that haven't really seen the sun this summer. After much relaxation (my muscles were a tad bit sore after yesterday), we headed back to the marina for dinner. We ended up going to eat at a restaurant, that I'm pretty sure was full of scams. The guy who brought us our bill tried to sell us a time share. Michelle just grabbed the bill from him and we paid and left. The food was good though.

Hoy fue muy divertido!

2007-08-06T19:57:00.001-04:00

Today Michelle and I went on the first of our scheduled tours. When researching the area I came across information on Canopy Tours which are basically zip lines through the top of the forest in the Sierra Madres. I was really excited about doing this, and since its exactly the kind of thing Michelle likes to do as well, I knew she'd be up for it. When we were booking our tours, the travel agent told us about the Outdoor Adventure with Vallarta Adventures (if they offer something, go on it!) Which is a canopy tour on crack!

We rushed upstairs to change and grabbed a taxi to the Pier. This is when we discovered that people here are very friendly, very helpful, and don't give you any more information than you specifically ask for. So if you don't know what you are doing, you end up talking to thirty people to before you have all the steps taken care of - okay so maybe it was only five, but come on! :-) At the Pier we boarded an inflatable motor boat and sped crossed Banderas Bay. On board we met a couple from Maryland and a family from Long Island on. We turned upstream at La Boca de Tomatlan - the mouth of the Tomatlan River - an area with beautiful houses built into the side of the cliffs overlooking the Pacific. The river was too shallow for our boat so they sent a smaller boat out to pick us up. It came along side our boat and we changed boats and rode that to shore. From here we got in the back of a jeep/truck and travelled up into the mountains (the Sierra Madres).

At the base camp we met our guides: Yalenty, Julena, Aldofo, Angel, and I can't recall the last guy's name (for that matter, I may have made all of their names up). Anyway, they fixed us up with the proper harnesses and helmets and then took us into the woods where they introduced themselves and explained the ground rules and how to's. From there we mounted mules and rode up into the mountains for 20 or 30 minutes. Once we dismounted a wrangler took the mules back down and we hiked up the rest of the mountain, pretty much straight up. The view was amazing. Overlooking the jungle and mountains and water. From here, we followed a series of zip lines down the mountain and through the jungle to a waterfall. We rappelled straight down the waterfall and took three more zip lines down the mountains.

We returned to Base Camp to change and dry off and then rode back to the river and took the boat home. We are discussing dinner now as I type this.

More later.

Una Dia Muy Interestante

2007-08-06T07:37:00.000-04:00

HOLA! Estoy en Puerta Vallarta Mexico!

Okay so my Spanish is not so good. But I thought I would tell everyone about the last few days. We arrived on Saturday evening. My luggage got lost. We did manage to make it out of the airport fairly quickly. You have to avoid the vast hallway of timeshare sellers and other offers being yelled at you. Apparently they don't let regular taxis pick you up at the airport you have to use an airport taxi. We made it to our hotel - Mayan Palace.

Sunday, we spent the day wandering through downtown. We are here during the Mexican National Holiday - which is to say that most of the tourists here are Mexican, not a lot of Americans around which works well for practicing our Spanish. I do like the fact if we try to use Spanish they speak to us in Spanish. In some places, like Japan, the natives always speak English no matter how hard you try. Since I was short on clothes I bought a dress from a store downtown and wore it out on the street, it was cooler than my jeans. We decided to buy some music, so asked for a recommendation on where to buy music. The shop owner sent us to a Woolworths. Once inside we found the cds and there were a couple guys looking at music. We asked for a recommendation - or rather Michelle did since my spanish is better for understanding than it is for speaking. They found a couple cds for us, one is mariachi music, we think, and we aren't really sure what the other is.... of course we don't have a cd player so we'll have to wait to get home to listen. It's always fun to have regional music.

Woolworths was located on Juarez Street, so we decided to take the bus back to the hotel. The bus said Hoteles in the window, so we got on. Things seemed fin until we turned North at the WalMart. Yes, you read that correctly there are both WalMart and Sam's between our hotel and the downtown. We shouldn't have turned at the WalMart. We didn't worry too much until everyone - and I do mean EVERYONE - else had gotten off the bus. We found ourselves in the foothills of the Sierra Madres, where the people of the area live in run down, sad looking shacks. It very much reminded me of the tv shows where they show children walking through slums and talk about the sad living conditions. It was a very eye opening ride. Dogs running wild. Chickens running around a police truck (pickup) with a man face down in the bed- handcuffed. Then the driver pulled over and stopped the bus. Michelle and I looked at each other. Michelle's face showed my exact thoughts "What do we do now!?" As we discussed it, I felt confident the bus would eventually go back downtown, Michelle didn't seem so sure. Again, Michelle's Spanish being the best we had, she got the task of asking what was going on. We were told it would be 30 minutes before we returned downtown. AHHHH!!!!

As we sat on the bus, a little uncomfortable thinking about getting off the bus - it was really hot on the bus. We started laughing at ourselves. Then we noticed our audience. There were five or six men standing outside the bus staring at us. A couple of them guestured at us to get off the bus. What could we do. So we did. They pulled out plastic lawn chairs for us to sit in. Then tried to talk to us. It was clear they spoke little to no English, which is fair since we are in Mexico.

This is when we met Gustavo. It turns out Gustavo is in charge of determining if the buses are running on time. We hung out with him for 20 minutes or so. We sat and chatted with him and by chatted I mean he spoke NO english and our spanish was pretty bad (well, Michelle's is okay, mine, not so much). Finally we headed back to town, only to find out that that bus does not in fact go anywhere near our hotel. So we got out and found a taxi home.

That evening we decided to find Benitto's Cafe - a recommendation from our tour book. We found where it was located on the map, but what should have taken 15 minutes definitely took 2 hours to find and then the Plaza was closed because it was Sunday. So we decided to wander down an alley just outside the gate to the plaza. There were a few shops visible so we figured, why not?!? (I'll post pictures when I get home.) It turns out we found the Marina. We ate at a great little Mexican place, had some amazing food and returned to the hotel to crash. All in All an interesting, and educational day.

Oh, so while wandering downtown, I ate meat off a stick, and if you know me, that was way outside of my box. Not really sure what it was... fish, maybe Mahi Mahi. It was pretty good. More soon....

Do you speak American?

2007-08-03T00:29:00.000-04:00

I recently was browsing in a bookstore and found a book called "Do you Speak American?" by Robert MacNeil (I think). It was interesting in it's discussion of accents and dialects. But that's not really the point. I spent the evening with a couple friends and we were discussing communication issues especially those with other Americans. They can be quite funny.

Tonight I called my favorite Chinese Restaurant. I asked what size soups I could get to go. "We have only one size" she said.

"How many people will it feed?"

"That depends on how much you eat." (Okay, that's fair)

"I'll take an order of Hot and Sour Soup."

"You want small or large?"

Now I'm thinking, how do I have only one size if I can pick between small and large? I still haven't figured that one out.

Then while hanging out my friend asked if I knew the name of a mutual friend's baby. "No" I replied.

"It's really cool" she said

"So what is it?"

"I don't know"

How does that work? hmmmmmmmm

Modesty - Other forms...

2007-07-29T12:55:00.000-04:00

Thinking back to the article I read some months ago, I have been pondering how does modesty extend to other areas of our life? For quite some time I have been convinced that modesty goes beyond our clothes. It extends into our conversation and our actions as well. When you look up Modest in the dictionary it gives this definition: having or showing regard for the decencies of behavior, speech, dress. So why is it that today when we discuss modesty, we only talk about our clothes. By definition it extends to both our actions as well as our speech. This certainly has implications for us ladies.

Scott Casey

2007-02-15T05:39:00.000-05:00

My "cousin" Scott - I think we are 5th cousins (or 3rd cousins depending on how you figure them) our Great-Grandfathers were brothers, died this summer. Scott was a the type of person who left a mark on all who knew him. He sometimes babysat my brother, my cousin and I when we were on vacation in Michigan.

He was fun. There was a rope swing in his yard under the big tree where you could look out over the Lake. He spent a lot of time pushing us - really high - higher than the adults would. One time we were over in their log cabin and some other teenagers came over and Scott, and his sister Carrie, let us hide under the pool table - I was a little intimidated by the older kids. He would pass us snacks and stuff while they sat around talking and playing pool. Then he "snuck" us out to his mom's house. He was always fun.

A free spirit to say the least! He was known to stop and sleep on the beach if he got tired. And in the summers he might sublease his apartment out and camp all summer. He just enjoyed nature, enjoyed being outside and enjoyed life.

His mom reminded us all of how he would say good bye and I share that with you. He would raise his right hand in almost a wave and say,

"See you later, Do Great Things, Love you guys."

Lies and Good Intentions?

2007-02-14T09:54:00.000-05:00

What do you do when someone outright lies to you about something? Especially when it is something that wasn't even on your radar, and all of a sudden you are having to reexamine things and try to shift gears and think things through? The emotional havoc of having to guess and second guess everything you thought you knew and still you come to the same conclusions - that contridict what you were told - but you can't get away from the certainty with which the statement was made. I'll tell you what I do. I call up the other person who is supposedly involved and ask straight out - Did you really say this. So after straightening out the "Facts" I'm left with - what do I do about the person who told the lie?

I still don't understand why she lied. It doesn't make any sense. It didn't profit her at all, she didn't get a huge reaction out of me, I simply don't get it. I have been told that she had "good intentions". But what could those possibly be? If I had simply run with this information and not cross checked it against what I know to be true, I could have been very embarassed, humiliated, hurt, etc. So how does that equate to "good intentions"?

I guess I'll never get it.

Perspective Shift

2007-02-13T09:10:00.000-05:00

In science class, when we wanted to measure something but it had to put it in something, we would set the container on the scale - and zero it out - this is called a Tare (a counterweight used in chemical analysis to balance the weight of a container). Once you have done this the scale measures the weight of the liquid.

I have found in life this happens a lot easier than we would like to think. For example: for the last couple weeks it has been Stinkin' Cold outside (Stinkin' Cold is colder than cold, and colder than frigid). Temperatures have been hovering around 1 degree Farenheit - with windchills well below zero. Now normally I would call 32 degrees cold - it is freezing, literally, afterall - however, yesterday it felt like a heat wave! My perspective had shifted. 32 is quite a bit warmer than 1, but in reality it is still COLD! Only when I looked at the thermometer did I realize exactly how cold it really was.

I believe we do this in our spiritual lives as well. We get used to a certain standard - the culture we are living in - and we think we may be doing pretty well. Until we look at the thermometer (The Word of God) which tells us where we really are. We come to accept things that scripture says we shouldn't because we are so accustomed to the world around us. This is why God tells us to "renew your mind" to soak in the Word so that our perspective is adjusted towards His standards and not those in the world around us.

Snow and Ice

2006-12-07T09:52:00.000-05:00

I like to say that the people where I live see a rain drop and drive off the road; but when they see a snowflake, they drive into one another (spend some time here and you'll say I'm not that far off). This morning, my ten minute drive to work took me a hour - okay well 40minutes when you subtract the time I spent in the Corn Field.

What? Yes, that's right, due to the stellar driving skills of another driver, I spent 20 minutes in a cornfield this morning. The roads were unplowed and unsalted and barely covered with snow, but definitely had ice patches. I was driving in an area that has two 90 degree turns back to back, when a truck decided that it would be a good time to whip out in front of me, fish tailing in the process. In order to avoid hitting this massive vehicle, with my little one, I had to turn my steering wheel. By turning my wheel I began to fish tail - under normal conditions and a straight road - not a problem, with another 90 degree turn coming up ahead, I had to make some quick decisions - risk driving into a tree, a brick wall, or a deep ditch, or drive off the road into a corn field.

I thought the Corn Field made the most sense. Now, being partly from South Alabama, the was not my first time to drive through a corn field. It was however, my first time, in a small car not prepared to deal with the mud and without the ability to climb up a shallow slippery hill. At one point I found myself at a 45 degree angle (horizontally)! But God showed His favor on me and a kind man came to give me a "push" while I "got a running start" - which basically consisted of me covering myself, my car, and the nice man in mud. After getting unstuck, again, I found a place where the tractors come in and out of the field (and few tire ruts) and managed to get out.

BTW - I am getting new tires tomorrow.

War Eagle !! 22-15

2006-11-20T17:10:00.001-05:00

Now that was a great game! And the Thumb has arrived! I'm sure there are Bama fans out there who would say "At least we have a past" but simply put - that is history and Auburn is currently the raining champs of this match up.

WAR EAGLE!!!!

Iron Bowl

2006-11-18T13:10:00.000-05:00

So I understand the Hoopla concerning the Ohio State Michigan game, and living in Ohio, trust me, I hear all about it. But Today is Iron Bowl Day. It doesn't get any better than that. Sure Auburn, nor Tuscaloosa, have ever had massive riots with cars getting burned over a game like Columbus has, but that just seems to be more indicative of the type of fans they have, rather than anything about the schools themselves. Having been around other "big" Rivalries (Texas-Oklahoma, Ohio-Michigan) I must say there is nothing quite like the Auburn Alabama game. The atmosphere, the intensity, the tailgating. The bragging rites, the TRADITIONS that accompany the BIGGEST of all BIG RIVALRY games. You today I send out a WAR EAGLE! To the Auburn family. I hope we roll Toomer's tonight!

A Year (and a half) End Review

2006-11-08T16:56:00.000-05:00

I just spent some time looking back over my old posts and thinking about how very therapeutic writing can be. I realize no one really reads this stuff, but it's nice to ponder some things in a way that if someone wanted to they could tell me what they thing. Mostly it just helps me to gather my thoughts and ideas in one place. So much as happened in the last year and apparently I didn't write about much of anything during that last 12 months. God has been taking me through some very hard times during the last 18 months or so. It started with a death - though not of a person but of a relationship - and ironically the fog that I felt like I was living in seems to be lifting with the death - actual physical - of another dearly loved one (my Grannie). But this post is not about loss or sadness, but rather about the Joy that is found in Christ. It never ceases to amaze me, how absolutely incredible God is. I have been reading in His word in Ezekiel, about the new heart and new spirit He gives to us when we come to Him. In fact, He gives us His Spirit which causes us to walk in His ways! Now that is truly amazing. There is so very much to be thankful for even in (and maybe especially in) the trials and loss I have encountered this last year.

For instance, Through the loss of one relationship, I learned to lean on Christ and am beginning to see a rebirth in some small ways of that relationship - though it will never be as it once was.

In Kathie's (my Aunt) death, I saw my family draw near to one another in ways we never have before. My father and uncle actually keep in touch with each other regularly and there is a new appreciation and displayed affection for one another. Michelle (my prima-hermana, or cousin-sister) and I have gotten even closer than before (I miss her and love her so dearly). Family has become a priority, something we all make time for. Kathie's trust and peace in God right up to the end, was a testimony to all who knew her.

In Brendan's (my nephew) birth, there was such joy. The first son, of the first son, of the first son. Another Steck man. The first Boy on the Whiddon and Steck side! A new life in the midst of all the sorrow and stress. A reason to celebrate. A reminder that God calls children a blessing! The cycle of life and death continuing, reminding us of the death that must come to our sin and the new life that is found in Jesus Christ.

Grandpop's death, which followed so closely on the heels of Brendan's birth, there was peace. Having been in such pain for so long, he was finally at rest. Learning what it means when scripture call Jesus our Sabbath Rest.

The sudden death of my (distant) cousin Scott. At 30-something, his death sent a blow to us all that I still don't know how to explain. I haven't spent time with him since I was a little girl when he would push me on the rope swing in front of his house looking out over the Lake. (I'll post about him another time). But he was a part of my world, a part of the fabric of continuity in a life that has been wrought with change. A reminder of how even the briefest interactions with people can impact them for years. Also a call to not let those we love, our family and friends, so far from us that we don't know where to begin to be a part of their lives again.

The constant struggle to balance friendship and emotion. Struggling with how long do I hold on to and maintain a relationship with someone who does not seem to care if we keep in touch? And realizing that God knows what is best and through prayer, I can understand that business does not necessarily mean disregard (which is hard for a quality time person like me). And on the flip side, as a person who in many ways feels a correlation between consistent conversation and time together, and closeness of relationship - what does that say about my relationship with God, if I'm whining about other people not calling me back when I could simply see the extra time as time to spend getting to know my Savior even more?

And finally, Grannie. My precious and dear Grannie. Somehow broke through all the negative and helped me to see how a life that is lived every minute of every day with a heart to serve the Lord Jesus Christ, can impact the world (how ever large or small your sphere of influence) in a mighty mighty way. Grannie was probably the most other focused person (and not in a "codependent" way) that I have ever met. As I sat, alone, at her funeral, surrounded by people who loved her (and me) so very dearly, I realized a couple things. 1) I have gotten so far off track from the call to ministry and service that I believe God has placed upon my life. 2) grief is a lot like our faith in God. Each person has to go through it individually (each person must believe for themselves) - no one can do it for you; yet walking through it with others on the same path sure makes it a heck of a lot easier.

So even though it's only the first part of November, I feel as though it's a New Year. I am optimistic that it will be a good year! May be even a GREAT year, if I can hold on to what God has taught me and let Him guide my steps as He causes me to walk in His ways.

My very own War Eagle Moment!

2006-11-07T06:33:00.000-05:00

I have been feeling very isolated lately. Loneliness-in-the-midst-of-a-crowd is one of the specific ways that I believe Satan attacks me. As far back as I can remember, I could be at a party with all my friends and feel ever so lonely. Like no one really cares about me at all. (Now I know this is a lie from the pit of hell because no matter where I am God is there and God loves me, but I still struggle with this). Anyway, I have been feeling isolated lately, mostly because I almost never see my friends anymore, (Except Kim and Becca - you two Rock!) and they rarely call me. At times it seems I am just not worth keeping in touch with. (Again, a lie, I know.) Anyway, God has totally been teaching me some awesome things about depending upon Him through my loneliness and as always He is the BEST FRIEND I could ever dream of having. Still.

So I have been dealing with these stupid emotions and thoughts for quite sometime now and God in His graciousness gave me the one unifying - identifying - thing He could to encourage me, just when I really needed it. (First was getting to hang with Kim all weekend and second was what follows).

I grew up an Air Force Brat and as such, spent most of my life as an outsider. When I lived out West, I was considered from "back East"; When I lived in the South, I was seen as from "Up North"; and living in the North, I was seen as from the "South" I couldn't win for losing. Never quite fit in anywhere. Until College Graduation. I am an honest to goodness Auburn Tiger. I have every bit as much right as the next Alumni to call Auburn home. I am part of a diverse Auburn Family that bleeds orange and blue. I have rolled Toomer's Corner
gone to the Tiger Walk before Football Games. Yelled Rah Rah Rah! Sis Boom Bah! and I have more than one photo of me and Aubie at a football game. I am also known to yell "War Eagle" when I get really excited, when I am happy, when I see other people wearing anything Auburn and at Alabama fans and sometimes for no other reason than it is part of who I am. I can't explain what it is to be part of that family to someone who isn't so I will end with this....

A couple weekends ago I had my very own War Eagle Moment at a Celebration of the Feast of the Tabernacles and just as the main session was ending, a man walked over to me and said "War Eagle!" My mind raced for a moment and realized he must have seen my new Blue Auburn purse which is my nod to the successful football season we have been having! An instant connection was made because he knew how to greet a Tiger. It turns out his children go to Auburn! What a large family we have and a small world! It definitely brightened up my day!

Modesty

2006-11-06T13:40:00.000-05:00

I came across this article (Condoleezza Rice's Commanding Clothes (washingtonpost.com)) while on a business trip to Washington DC. It's almost a year old, but was an interesting read nonetheless. While reading it, I was struck by several things. First of all the willingness of society to acknowledge that the clothes we choose to wear makes a statement about our values and intentions. Second, that there is a difference in how men and women are perceived in their dress. Now all of this in and of its self is not startling, however when we juxtapose that with attitudes within the church - that try to deny this and say our clothing is driven by culture and not anything internal, I find it terrible curious. Why do we try to deny what the world understands to be true, and what, I believe Biblically to be true as well. God addresses modesty not because our outward appearance is of utmost importance, but because it is a reflection of that which is within us.

Our clothing does indeed make a statement about our values and intentions. We make decisions everyday on what we will wear based on how we feel and what our purposes are. This makes me think of my days at Auburn University (War Eagle!). When I was going to football games and it was simply me and my pals, we wore jeans and Orange T-shirts, our hair in pony tails and wearing tennis shoes or sandals. In otherwords, we dressed for comfort; we dressed for a football game. But usually a few rows in front of me were guys dressed in suits and the girls decked out in dresses with heels. They dressed to impress; they were dressed for a date. I can already hear the guys in my life telling me they don't do this, and that's fine. Take it from me - girls do. So why do we try to pretend that there is no correlation between our clothes and our heart (attitudes, thoughts, intentions). I recognize that our motives in selecting outfits are at times subconcious, but when we boil them down do they not perhaps give us insight into our inner most thoughts?

One particular statement grabbed my attention as something to ponder and consider in my own choices of what to wear and what not to wear - that was this - "When the designer Yves Saint Laurent first encouraged women to wear trousers more than 30 years ago, his reasons were not simply because pants are comfortable or practical. He knew that the sight of a woman draped in the accouterments of a man is sexually provacative. A woman was embracing something forbidden."

A friend, Valerie, was recently telling me about a book (I don't remember the name of it) that discussed how being "marked" affects us. When you look at a group of men at say a business meeting all of them are wearing formal business suits - maybe varying shades of gray, black and blue, with various colors of button-down shirts and ties, they still look relatively the same. Throw in a gentleman in khakis and a polo shirt and all of a sudden he becomes "marked". There is a difference, we notice him more. This becomes an almost instant bias (whether for or against may depend upon the situation although the tendency is against). Why? Because that person stands out from everyone else in the crowd. That person is identified by their difference and the stereotypes that go along with those differences. This is something that is incredible hard to overcome.

With women, we are all "marked". If you lined up 5 women in the EXACT same outfit, each of them would be marked in some way. Either by hair color, height, build, shape, or posture. The funny thing is we "mark" each other as often (perhaps more often) than men "mark" us. So again, why do we try to pretend this doesn't happen? I think it is because we often don't want to think about the ramifications of our clothing choices as believers - especially if that is going to make us have to change something.

If nothing else this is one more reason that I, as a woman, but even more importantly as a believer in Jesus Christ, need to consider each outfit I put on (and buy) and what it says about me to the world.

Ruth Whiddon

2006-11-01T21:35:00.000-05:00

Have you ever known someone who's life was so full that when they are gone, it is the silence that drives you crazy? When I went home, to Alabama, last month, it was less than joyous occasion. This last year has been a hard one. I wonder at times, how much more God thinks I can take. My Aunt passed away last November, then my Grandpop and now my Grannie.

Ruth was born in 1917. She died at the age of 89! She lived a full life! So amazingly full. I can't think of her without thinking of joy and laughter and music. Sitting on the porch I realized the most unnerving thing was the lack of noise coming from the house behind me. Grannie couldn't sit still. I remember being exhausted as a child just trying to keep up with her. The only times I can remember her sitting still was when she was at the piano. She loved to play for hours.

When I was little, Grannie would come to visit us, no matter where we lived. We would have all kinds of fun! She was always full of life and fun. My mom loves to tell about when we were little she couldn't find my brother and cousin Dawn. Then she heard an engine. Looking out the window she saw Grannie driving a Go-Cart with David and Dawn in her lap - running laps around the house.

Grannie told stories - great, funny stories! Stories that you probably shouldn't tell children because they ought to make them scared or confused, but somehow didn't scar us too badly. :-) When we came to visit, she would pull out the matress on the floor and sleep with us and our cousins. Whoever went to sleep first got $5.00. It always took a long time to fall asleep because we would be laughing so hard.

What an amazing personality! She touched so many lives. She is truly missed. And though I know she is now at home with her Savior, Jesus Christ, whom she loved, I still miss her. Her mind and body which in the last two years had gotten so very bad, is now whole. Even when she couldn't remember for very long, her sense of humor was still intact and she was a little spit fire.

My heart hurts everytime I think of how much I miss her and how I wish I had gotten to spend more time with her. But that is focusing on me - and I choose to remember the reality of Heaven and the Joy I know she has there.

She did what?!?!?

2006-10-19T23:58:00.000-04:00

I recently saw an acquaintance (for her annonymity, I won't tell how I know her). Her mannerisms seemed a little off, ackward, strange. She kept cutting her eyes at me and staring at the ground. I simply thought that it was my imagination or it had simply been a long time since I'd seen her. That is until someone else related the funniest thing I had heard in a very VERY long time.

Apparently my acquaintance was having some neck pain (and probably other issues with her neck - I don't really know) So she found a doctor who would inject her neck muscles with Botox. What? Did you just say? That's right. Botox. That "wonderful" muscle relaxer that has kept wrinkles from forming on many a celebrity's forhead. The problem is that it relaxed her neck muscles so much she had to support her head with her hand to look straight ahead! Otherwise her head rested on her chest. Can you picture a woman walking around with her chin resting on the palm of her hand all the time?

Still I hope it took care of her pain and what ever was causing it was healed. It's still hilarious to think about.

Amazing Inflence, Part 2

2006-07-12T07:40:00.000-04:00

The first time I met Jon, he was speaking at a conference for teens that I took Kyndra and her friend Ashley to. He spoke on God being our True North. That weekend I met quite a few amazing young godly people. People who are so passionate about God and His Word that is affects the way they live each and every day. (I met Sarah here – she’s amazing too – Such a godly desire to keep God at the center of her life and holding so closely to a standard of purity that in the dance studio she owned she would use no seductive, suggestive or inappropriate moves. Dance is to be worship to God – not something to imitate the world around us). We started going to Bible Study with Jon (and Sarah for that matter) each week. God had this way of using Jon to say just the right words to prick my heart and reveal my ugliest innermost thoughts and feelings. I’m sure if I could have maintained a sense of dignity in that Bible Study I would have – but since I was always one to share the stupid and embarrassing things I did with others – and Mitchell was always willing to share them if I didn’t (which was okay because I think it was God’s way of keeping me humble - that and I do some really stupid stuff sometimes) there wasn’t much room for dignity or pride. One night at Bible Study, I made a comment – though jokingly said – revealed a very wrong attitude in my heart. We were eating and talking and just fellowshipping before the study began, and wouldn’t you know Jon totally called me on it. Right there in front of everyone – not harshly, or loudly but gently and firmly. I almost allowed the pride in me to puff up. But God gave me the strength to be teachable in that moment and realize how right he was. Wow did that hurt my pride! But you know, in that moment I appreciated Jon more than any other passing acquaintance I’ve ever had. God taught me then and there that he puts us in relationship with other people so we can do just that. Point each other to Christ. It may not feel great in the moment but it’s amazing to know that someone loves Christ enough to set a fellow follower of Christ straight. Helping one another line up with the Word of God – now that’s what friendship is really about.

Amazing Influence, Part 1

2006-07-10T19:38:00.000-04:00

Have you even met someone who didn’t stay in your life very long but who changed the way you understand God and life? Or whose influence changed the way you related to people and your expectations of friendship? I have and I liked to share a little about what a couple of them taught me.

First, there was Martin. I met Martin twice within a month and I’m pretty sure I’ll probably never see him again this side of heaven, but God used him to change my perspective on things. Martin is probably the most intensely focused person I can recall meeting. He seemed to know exactly what His direction in life was… following God step by step. Martin had been leading music for a worship service for Crosswalk, was staying in town that night but had to get up early to drive to his home in Kentucky so he could catch a plane heading overseas the next afternoon. It was late before we got everything packed up and out to his car only to find his keys were missing. It was already dark we were standing in an unlit parking lot, a long way from the nearest light. After searching everywhere we could think to look, and going back to the room where the meeting had been held, twice. I used my “special skills” and broke into his car. We did find a flash light in the trunk, but no keys.

Martin was amazingly calm and showed no real signs of annoyance – a little frustrated at not being able to remember where he put his keys – but an amazing attitude overall. He seemed so at peace, not ruffled like I get when things go wrong sometimes. Martin asked me “have you ever noticed how much of a difference the quality of light matters? Watch!” Turning off the headlights which were now shining from my car into his trunk and turning on his flashlight, he observed “A little bit of light helps, but there is still a lot of darkness. I can see in the areas that the little light is directly pointing at but everything else is completely lost in shadow and darkness. Turning the lights of my can back on, he continued “More and brighter light dispels even more darkness. But the shadows are still as black as the night around us. When I compare all this to the Sun shining – there is no real comparison. When the sun is out even the darkest corners are illuminated enough to see what is hiding there. I think that’s how it is in the spiritual world. A little bit of God’s Word, a moment of witnessing to others, turns on a flashlight in the dark world around us. More of God’s Word and a life truly testifying to the Truth of that Word brings even more light. But Jesus – He’s the Sun (I’m pretty sure he intended the pun here). When we encounter Jesus, even the darkest areas of our lives are illuminated. He sees all of us – there is no place to hide. I want to be the brightest light I can be in this world.”

We did eventually find Martin’s keys. They were in the room. The third time we went back in the room, I was beginning to be frustrated for him, he suggested we stop and pray. He asked God to help us to find is keys, but so much more importantly, to show us the reason they were lost. To not overlook the opportunity to learn more about Him in this situation. About that time, God brought us two people who needed to hear about the love of Jesus Christ. Martin spent 20 minutes sharing with them and praying with them. As we got up to leave, I spied his keys, sitting on the desk just behind the computer monitor. What a lesson in attitudes I got that night! I’m pretty sure where ever Martin is, he’s shining bright for God.

Struggles

2006-07-09T14:41:00.000-04:00

Do you ever look at yourself and wonder how in the world did I get to be here, this way, like this? I’ve been doing that a lot lately. This past year has been a very hard year for me. So very much has transpired that there are weeks when all I seem to be able to do is cling to Christ and His Word – His promises because though I can’t see what He’s doing, I know that He is good and True. I won’t share a laundry list of trials and struggles that began about this time last year. Not only have I not resolved those continual things I’ve been dealing with before but new things began to pop up – seemingly out of the blue. I watched so much of “my world” leave all seemingly simultaneously. There were moments when I felt I must know just a teeny bit what Job tasted (though certainly not on the same level). There are moments I feel that I don’t know which way is up.

But then God calls me back to what I know is true: God wants to teach me something in all of this, and His word will point me in the right direction. I thank God that He will never leave me nor forsake me. There were probably two weeks where the only people I spoke to outside of work were in another state. But just as I was starting to feel isolated, God reminded me how very blessed I am to have friends who love me so much that even though we don’t live in the same state – our friendship is important enough to carve out a little time each week to say hi and catch up on life. Some of the most amazing friends I have don’t live near me, but they are a constant reminder of God’s love. Just because I don’t see them everyday, doesn’t mean they aren’t there; like God, he may not be physical, but he’s a very real and important part of my life. So to all my friends in other states who may read this, thank you for keeping in touch – even if it’s sporadic at best – I thank God for you and am praying that He keep you growing in your walk with Him.

I recently heard the definition of Perseverance given as being unmovable in difficult circumstances – not trying to escape them but waiting on God and standing strong in Him. Imagine what a witness that would be! I have been studying the book of Micah lately and I have begun to see that each of his three messages of judgment for sin ends with Hope. God always offers us hope in Him. That seems to be the message He has for me right now. He is not only my light at the end of these struggles, but in the midst of them. He never leaves us without a promise. God is Good and in Him I find Hope. He is my salvation – my life. My Peace.

Walk Uprightly

2006-06-14T07:33:00.000-04:00

I (my Bible Study) started studying Micah this month as often happens we start chasing a train of thought throughout scripture. Last week it was Micah 2:7b "Do not My words do good to the one walking uprightly?" There are two thoughts here, we'll explore the second. What does it mean to walk uprightly?

-to walk in the name of the Lord
-to walk humbly, love justice, love kindness (see Micah)
-a manner worthy of the holy calling (Eph 4:1 - see Eph 1 for your calling)
-with humility, gentleness, patience, showing forbearance to one another in love (Eph 4:2)
-not based on what others say but what God says about me
-diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Christ made peace within me so I don't have to be in competition with you- still Eph 4)
-Not as the world (Eph 4:17)
-with a renewed mind (Eph 4:23)
-Imitating God, in love, with sacrifice, giving thanks, trying to learn what is pleasing to God (Eph 5)
-Requires careful adherence, wisdom, spirit filled, speaking psalms...
-fleeing the appearance of evil
-According to the Word (Ps 119)
-Integrity (Ps 84:11)
-Integrity, trust in the Lord w/o wavering, walk in truth, repent of sin, do not sit with deceitful men, does not go with pretenders... (Ps 26)

That's a tall order! I'm glad that God gives us the ability to do all He asks when His spirit comes to live within us, causing me to walk in His ways...

No more Bad Days

2006-06-12T20:34:00.000-04:00

Monday nights I go to a great Bible Study. I'm sure I've mentioned it before. While we were studyinng Hosea, we came across a verse that spurred an interesting conversation. Do I (or you) have the "right" to have a bad day? Is it okay for us to react to our surroundings/circumstances? Or are we suppose to react only to God and who He says about us?

Hosea 10:12 says,

Sow with a veiw to righteousness,
Reap in accordance with kindness;
Break up your fallow ground
For it is time to seek the Lord
until He comes to rain righteousness on you.

Unpack that verse and wow! what a challenge. Everything I do should be done with a view (watching for the end product to be righteousness in my life and hopefully in the lives of those around me) to righteousness.

But what does it mean to "Reap in accordance with kindess"? Could it mean that I am to receive the comments and actions and circumstances impacting my life as though they are done in kindness -even when it doesn't seem like it on the outside? Could it mean that I have no excuse for what kind of day I am having because I choose how I react to the people around me? to the circumstances I find myself in? Imagine the Christ people would see if I didn't react to others but I reacted to what God said about me in His Word!

What if I really believed I can do what God says I can do (Phil 4:13); That I will be all God designed me to be (Gen 3, Ro 8:29-30); I am not struggling, I am more than a conqueror (Ro 8:37); I am not under the Circumstances, I am an overcomer (1 John 5); I am blessed (Eph 1:3); I am forgiven, redeemed and sealed; I believe all the promises of God....

Then I am suppose to "PLOW UP" my fallow ground. My friend Scott had interesting thoughts about doing this through prayer - in our own lives and in the lives of others. No matter what this looks like it certainly requires knowing what fallow ground is - in the parable of the sower it is the path - so hard that the seed can't take root. Farmers used to let ground fallow by plowing it up and then not seeding it. They would let the ground sit for a year - or growing season. What areas of my life have been left inactive and need plowing so that God can plant in me?

Until He comes to rain righteousness on me... I'm still pondering the implications of this one!

Wisdom... Do I really get it

2006-06-08T22:06:00.000-04:00

Hosea 14:9 states "Whoever is wise, let him understand these things; Whoever is discerning, let him know them. For the ways of the Lord are right, and the righteous will walk in them, but transgressors will stumble in them."

I've been pondering this verse for the last couple weeks. Scripture tells us all over the place to be wise (eph 5:15, the entire book of Proverbs) and as God always defines what He's asking of us - scripture also tells us what it means to be wise... in this case there seem to be three things that those who are wise will understand.

1) That the ways of the Lord are right - or in other words - When God says something, He's telling the truth! and when He says something is wrong, it is.

2) The righteous will walk in the ways of the Lord --- that's a whole 'nother topic --but let's just say we will be able to recognize the righteous by how they act

3) Transgressors will stumble in the ways of the Lord --- those who aren't right, will have problems with both 1 + 2.

It seems like an awfully simple verse but so much is packed inside!

Canoe

2006-06-07T07:39:00.000-04:00

I love to canoe. In fact it's one of my favorite things to do! My favorite person to canoe with is my cousin, Michelle. We have been canoeing together since I can remember. Two years ago, maybe three now, we went and lived at our family's log cabin up in Michigan for the summer. We had a ton of fun. We spent a lot of time on the river that flows through our lake and on into Lake Michigan. We would float down on innertubes or canoe. We learned to work really well together. We had a hard time lifting the canoe to put it on top of my Jeep though, so we figured out we could start at the house and canoe across the lake and down the river to the mouth. At the mouth, we usually could find someone to help us lift the canoe back on the Jeep.

Growing up I always thought that my Aunt was the best canoer ever! After all, she owned the canoe we would use and she always told us what to do. The summer Michelle and I lived up in Michigan, we learned that just because someone is yelling at you to do something doesn't necessarily mean they know what they are talking about. This was our first experience where we learned that maybe we really only like canoeing with each other... Kathie and Michelle were paddling and I sat in the center and they were not communicating well. Kathie was trying to steer from the front and Michelle was getting frustrated, as mothers and daughters sometimes do. So I got in the back to paddle a while. Just as we were coming around the final bend, which is a little tricky to maneuver because of where the exit point is and the speed of the current right there, Kathie steered the back end of the canoe into a tree. I caught the branches up my side and under my arm - my uncle calls these obstacles "sweepers" because the sweep you out of your canoe. Sure enough the canoe kept going and I ended up in the water under the canoe. The water was freezing - which ended up to be a good things because I had managed to get a nasty gash under my arm and it was quite numb from the temperature of the water. We managed to finish out trip and overall it was a good memory :-) My scar has almost completely gone away.

Another canoeing memory I have is going with Michelle and my dad - I'm sure there were more family around but they are the only ones I remember. I was paddling with my father - I don't remember our locations in the boat - but I was probably 7 or 8 years old. I managed to pin my father between the branches of a fallen tree and a stump extending out of the water. Scared me to death! It took us a while to get my father and the canoe unlodged. But you know, these are the things I remember most. Learning how to be safe in a boat and not to underestimate the predicaments you can find yourself in. No need to create them.

Mystery Dinner

2006-05-27T12:37:00.000-04:00

Last night my friends and I had a Mystery Dinner Party. I love entertaining. I think it's something that is sadly overlooked in our culture. Andi and I wrote a new mystery for the weekend and it was fun seeing how every one played their character. Our friends did a great job. I had a lot of fun. It was nice hanging out with people. It has been a while since I've gotten to spend time with them. But I think this weekend will prove to be a very fun one...

New Book!

2006-05-25T07:41:00.000-04:00

I just bought Jannie Wilcoxson's new book:Looking for Love in the Wrong Place I am so excited about it. Jannie is my Bible Study Teacher on Monday Nights. Her ministry is called Sound Words Ministry Let me tell you, if you want to stay how you are don't come. But if you want to be challenged by the Word of God and you want to know what God has to say - Check out the book - or cpme to a class.

I like to call my Bible Study a "scriptural smack down" cause I feel like all my complacencies and "hidden" areas of my heart are exposed by the Light of the Word of God. I leave without any excuses for living my own way. I must walk in His way because God's Word says so. It is so encouraging and life giving to spend time studying the Word of God with other believers who then go out and walk it out in their own lives!

iPods and New Classes

2006-05-24T08:18:00.000-04:00

So last night I got a new iPod Shuffle. I'm having a lot of fun with it. I got it through a missions fundraiser. It was being auctioned off. I'm really excited about it - but trying not to go overboard. I've been wanting one for quite a long time. God is so good to me.

I filled out my paperwork for my new class on Sunday. I'm very excited. I'm glad to have friends who've been encouraging me to do this. I'm very excited. Did I tell you that I'm very excited? I am hoping that between these two happy occurances, I will make it through this week to the weekend. It's gonna be rough, but I know that God is good and I can't wait for next weekend. My next four weekends should be very busy. But I'm looking forward to all of them - you'll have to wait to hear about them after the fact!

Family Gossip

2006-05-22T20:18:00.000-04:00

I can honestly say this is the first time I've ever been the topic of so much family gossip. You have to love a cousin who is willing to tell you when you are the number one topic of conversation - okay so probably there are a few other more important conversations going on in the family circle, but this is the first time I can remember being one of them when I haven't actually done anything yet! Apparently it is all over the family gossip circle that I am moving! Yep. I hadn't even figured out yet if that was a realistic idea - if it was what God wants or anything, but in family circles I'm as good as gone! Who knew.

Now I have been the topic of conversation before, don't get me wrong. There was the time I was a bit too adventuresome and up and moved to Dallas, TX. There was the time I clearly lost my mind - when I quit my job in Dallas and became a missionary. OH and then when I was "avoiding growing up" by becoming a nanny. But what I think I'm best known for in the family is being alone. Yep - It's just me. Most of my family doesn't even ask any more if I'm seeing anyone. Which is nice because it saves me from the "don't you think you might be a too picky" lecture that is oh so tiresome.

My favorite quote from "'Til There Was You" is when the little old lady asks 'Gwen' why she isn't married. Gwen goes into this whole tirade about how its okay that she's almost 30 and still single - it's the 90's for goodness sake and she doesn't need a man - which coincidentally is the topic of the movie: her quest to find her perfect match- anyway the little old lady says. "I never married either. I always supposed it was because nobody ever asked me." Gwen's response was "that's the other reason." It makes me smile just thinking about it.

It just keeps coming down!

2006-05-19T08:21:00.000-04:00

So I know that there is a reason that they say "When it rains, it pours." I think that's where I am in life. At the rate things are going, I don't know how I am going to cope with one more loss. BUt God is good and I know He has promised never to give me more than I can handle - and the secret to handling things, I have learned, is trusting God to carry me through.

My grandmother is in the hospital with pneumonia. THey can't seem to get it to go away. My father just got back from visiting her. In the last six months, she's lost her daughter, her husband of 60 years, moved out of her house (where she lived for the last 50+ years) and now her family that lives near her rarely comes to see her - and I can't get there as often as i would like. My father has been going out as often as he can. BUt its hard when we live on the western side of our state and she lives on the eastern side of hers - not very close.

Sometimes it seems like God is taking my family through some very hard times right now and I pray that we will be able to come out praising His name in new ways - and with new believers.

Old Friends

2006-05-18T07:53:00.000-04:00

Every now and then I am reminded of friends I haven't seen or talked to in a long time. Looking back through past posts made me think of a few. I have more than one "colorful" personality in my life. God has certainly blessed me with entertaining friends. I know that I am (what I like to call ...) quirky - (others may say weird or random or crazy -but in a fun way) and I seem to find myself spending time with other quirky people. On a side note, quirky is a fun word to say. Try working it into at least one conversation a day (that is your assignment for this week).

One of these friends, who I haven't seen in a long time, but was a lot of fun to be around, was Kyle. Kyle taught me two very important things. First, that you must be 10% smarter than the inanimate object you are trying to conquer in order to win. And second, that you can actually point (give points to) people that you don't know for doing stupid or nonsensical things and they will actually go along with you - even keep track of the points you've given. Pointing people is a good way to relieve stress when the people around you seem to know the situation warrants. (On a side note - another friend of mine actually revoked someone's right to speak - and he went along with it!)

Anyway my friend, Andi, calls old friends "comfy old shoes" (you have to scroll down to read the post). There is something about distance - both time and geography that changes a friendship. It either destroys it or seals it into something that will last throughout time. It's funny but usually the most lasting friendships seem to be those that weren't all that close when you lived or spent time together. Ironic - but true. It's as though the more time you spent with a person - in high school, college, whenever - the less likely you are to keep in touch; things just seem to fade. It's as though close, time consumig relationships can't survive a change in schedule, location, or other people. I have found that the friendships I mourn the most are those who still live in the same geography, but no longer are close. Those that went away because we no longer work together, or because other people came between, or because we simply went our separate ways.

And yet, there is a joy and sweetness in the relationships that are "found" when distance and time increase. A peaceful sense of satisfaction when you find you have a friend you didn't realize you had before. And an even more amazing excitement when you find that there are people out there who like spending time with you, not just because they live nearby, work with you, go to church with you, but because they enjoy your personality or something about you so much that they want to keep in touch with you.

The Most Handsome Man in the World!

2006-05-17T07:37:00.000-04:00

I have long believed that my Granddaddy was the most incredible man in the world! He has a way about him. I can't explain it other than to be in his presence is the most relaxing, calming, stabilizing influence I've ever been around. He's quiet - a "man of few words" - but his advise is sound and his love is evident. Long ago I found a picture of him with my Grannie on their wedding day, standing beside a car out in the front yard of her Papa's house. I can definitely say he was one of the most humble and handsome people I've ever seen (I know I might be a teeny bit partial - but you'd agree if you saw the picture). My most favorite place in the world is sitting beside him on the swing in the front yard. It used to be under a pecan tree, but those are gone now and it now resides under the shade of another plant that has grown up along the fence line.

As a child, I would spend hours sitting beside him on that swing. Mostly just sitting. Sometimes he'd tell me a story about his childhood, or serving in World War II, or our family. But mostly we'd just sit there. Enjoying being together. I can't explain why I liked just sitting there quietly so much - except to say that it's where he was.

Because I'm so - well me - I was looking up what the "real" spelling of Granddaddy is - apparently the dictionary says you can spell it either way -- Grandaddy or Granddaddy -- but what I really liked was the definition beside it: "One that is the first, oldest, or most respected of its kind." That's my Granddaddy!

Thank You

2006-05-16T07:25:00.000-04:00

Recently a couple of friends of mine and I have been emailing a question and the answer to that question. This has been really encouraging to me during my work week and I thought I would share the question and my response from several weeks ago - Please post your own responses to the question in the comments section....

QUESTION:
James 1:17
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

What good and perfect gifts are you thankful for today?

MY RESPONSE:
I'm thankful that death is often accompanied by new life. That there is joy in the midst of pain; that we can laugh in the midst of tears. For family that pulls together to comfort one another in the hard times, and celebrates with each other in the happy ones. I am thankful that God is forgiving, and holds no grudges. I am thankful that I do stupid things that make me laugh; and that God keeps me from being too proud to share the laugh with others. I am thankful for a God who is gracious and compassionate, and slow to anger. That He fills all my needs. That God knows what my future holds even when I don't know what day it is. That He is good. And that I can trust Him with my future and my choices, even when I don't understand why He is asking me to do something. I am thankful that no matter how horribly black I look and feel on the inside, He sees me as whiter than snow through the blood of Jesus Christ. I am also thankful that God's Word is true and I can believe that He will do what HE says He will do. And I'm especially thankful that He has gifted me with friends who support, challenge, encourage, and rebuke me in love and with scripture on a regular basis.

Food for Thought

2006-05-14T21:06:00.000-04:00

As a circle of my friends continues to discuss "Creative Worship" and it's merits and nuances. So I've been trying to decide exactly what I think about that. But in doing a little reading on people's thoughts I came across this site. It has some interesting thoughts. Specifically the PRAYER POSITIONS entry.

A MUST READ.. or TWO

2006-05-13T11:10:00.000-04:00

I have stumbled across a couple of the most interesting books! The first is the Mary Frances series by Jane Eayre Fryer. I just bought the Garden Book and WOW! It's really cool. A story that teaches practical skills. I'm sure I'll be adding each one to my library!

The second book is TEN P's in a Pod by Arnold Pent III. Think Cheaper by the Dozen only a Christian family set on being Christ to the world around them. Quite fun and very challenging when you look at how so very many of our families no longer purpose to shine Christ to the world around us. Instead we want to look like the world and some how "be a light". Try it out!

The girl who has everything

2006-05-12T11:12:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had someone tell you that your life was perfect? Did you want to laugh at them? I have been going through my junk lately - mostly stuff I kept because as my childhood was very transient and I needed to hold on to tangible things to remind me that my life really did happen the way I remember it. That sounds strange - and I'm pretty sure I am launching into a post I didn't mean to - but we'll see where this goes. I kept letters, cards, notes, pictures, stuff in general because if I didn't have it there was no link to the life I'd left behind in the various states and towns or the people who had left me when they moved on to a new place or new friends. I don't remember what movie it was - but I think it had Susan Sarandon in it - where she says we all need a witness to our lives - someone who will walk along side us and be that witness. My childhood in many ways lacked a witness outside of the stuff I kept. I have come to understand that this is probably a good thing. And as the clutter is about to drive me insane - I have been purging like crazy - throwing things away left and right! It feels so freeing.

Getting back to my main purpose here - in my purging I came across a birthday card I received in 11th grade from a friend of mine. It read - "what do you get the girl who has everything? Since we couldn't get you a date with *** (names withheld to protect the not-so-innocent, namely me - that and they only put his jersey number on there anyway) this card will have to do." I remember getting that card. Opening it and reading it and trying to quickly choose the correct reaction - I went with laughing because I'm pretty sure crying would have embarrassed the me and hurt the giver. But at 16 I was far from a "girl who has everything" - and I remember thinking that apparently my friends didn't even know me well enough to know that.

I think this was the first time I realized that not sharing my heart and thoughts with others didn't really mean I was sparing them from the boring details and random wanderings of my mind, but that I was actually preventing them from know who I was and what really makes me tick. It's funny because I don't think many of the people I know would categorize me as shy, but in many ways I am. It has always been hard for me to talk to people I don't know; to open up to people; to trust - but I know that God has called me to build relationships with people and so I must go outside myself and reach out by sharing what's inside. And yet I never cease to be amazed when people say "thanks for sharing - I always thought your life was so ________ (perfect, happy, etc). Not sure what makes people think that. Because I definitely wouldn't consider it so; but then I guess we all make assumptions about each other and the lives we lead. (note to self - don't do this to other people :-) )

Mystery Dog

2006-03-18T11:15:00.000-05:00

My Grandaddy had hunting dogs until a few years ago. I remember being on the front porch and he would let them out of their pen and they would run circles around the house until he loaded them up in the back of the truck and took them hunting. We never got to play with them, but we did get to feed them and pet them when they got home.

When my mom was younger, they had a dog that would only hunt for my Grandaddy, my uncle and someone else - we never did find out who it was. The road where my Grandparents lives is sparsely populated and there is a bend in the road that corresponds with a dip in the road making it a blind spot where you can't see the road from the house. Every so often a truck would come down the road, stop in the bend of the road, there would be a whistle and the dog would go get in the truck. Later he'd return home.

They never did find out who it was he would hunt with.

Food for Thought

2006-03-16T21:06:00.000-05:00

Trevor and David

2006-03-11T12:48:00.000-05:00

My brother and my cousin's friend Trevor, have decided to take a stab at helping me change my format on this site. So I'd like to give them a shout out! Thanks!

Peace

2006-03-05T23:23:00.000-05:00

Peace comes at last to my Pop. He died this evening. His body is finally at rest. It is amazing to me how we can suddenly be gone. No more. I have said many many many goodbyes in my life - most of which have been because of moving. It seems death is the "Ultimate Move." They are gone, just like the others we have loved and left (or they left us), but this time there is no address to send an occasional card. No phone number to call and say I'm thinking of you. And yet, there is a peace in knowing that your loved one is at rest. They are safe, in no more pain. They possess a new body that is whole and healthy. Their time is being spent in the presence of God and entirely taken up with praising His name. I believe my Grandpop was a child of God, though he didn't speak much about it. So I find my peace knowing that God is so good. He created this universe and He will be praised. He is our assurance and our Hope. I thank Him for family and friends who are supportive and loving. I am praying for each of you today.

Joy and Sadness

2006-03-04T12:47:00.000-05:00

I remember growing up and hearing stories about this person or that person who died shortly before my brother or I was born. Crazy-wonderful personalities from our family that are part of the unique and beautiful tapestry that is our history. I always thought it was sad that we never got to meet this fascinating people. Why is it that God blends the happy with the sad in this way. A new beginning with an end? My nephew Brendan was born last Sunday. A beautiful healthy baby (who if I have any say will one day be an Auburn Tiger ;-) ) . Today we got a call that it looks like my Grandpop won't make it through the week. Between losing Kathie last November and Pop now, it seems awful that Brendan won't know either of these wonderful people. And yet, I am convinced that he will get to know a little of them as long as we continue to remember them and tell their stories. Just as I know bits and peices about Uncle Sock (Who I believe died just before my brother was born).

This has been a six months for Grandmother. Losing a daughter and now her husband of 60 years. Please pray for all of us, especially her during this time. She needs to find her strength in God and I praise His holy name that she knows Him as her Savior. Pray for my Uncle John as well, as his family does not have the comfort and peace that Jesus brings. I rejoice in the knowledge that God knows what He is doing and His timing is perfect. Pray for me as I seek to carry His light to my family and be a comfort to my Grandmother.

Something Fun

2005-12-07T13:47:00.000-05:00

Do you ever just need to have something fun. Something to pull you from the every day, from the monotony, from the boredom? Something to remind you of good times? Well, this won't remind you of your childhood or anything like that. But I have found it brings me a laugh at least once a day... Check it out!

Too long

2005-11-12T15:27:00.000-05:00

So I am posting because to tell the truth I haven't even logged on to my blog since my last post - that was months ago... about the time everything started to happen. Don't have time right now to go into it. But on the off chance anyone still checks my blog please pray for me and my family. Especially my cousin Michelle. Thanks. And hopefully I'll get around to posting sometime soon

A Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight

2005-08-10T17:18:00.000-04:00

Okay so maybe it should really be called a hot time in the kitchen.... But let me go back...

Two years ago, my grandmother taught my cousin, Michelle, and I how to make homemade Cherry Jam. We were up in Michigan at our log cabin in the midst of Cherry season. So we found a cherry orchard that would allow us to pick the cherries ourselves and went home to enjoy cobblers and pies and anything else we could think of. When we returned to the cabin, we remembered Grandmother's Cherry Jam. So we asked her to teach us how. Fast forward two years...

I asked my parents to bring me some cherries from Michigan this year so I could again make Cherry Jam. Which they graciously did -20 POUNDS of cherries!!! That's a LOT of Jam. To say the least. So I started making Jam. Sunday, I decided to make one more batch of Jam and be done with it. For some reason using the exact same pot as every other batch (and the same measurements) my jam began to overflow the pot. I turned down the heat and reasoned that it only needed to boil less than a minute longer so I would ignore the mess until I was finished. One, two, three seconds later, my pot is engulfed in flames.... Apparently cherries and sugar are highly flammable! I quickly grabbed my pot off the stove and turned off the burner. Flames are still there! I grabbed the flour container to try and smother it - no luck. Now I have a burner - on fire covered with charred flour! Wait - my mother has stainless steel burner covers - so I grabbed one and covered the flames! Success! It put out the fire.

So if you want to know what I did on Sunday - well, I set my mother's kitchen on fire and made some pretty good jam in the process!

Winging It

2005-07-29T10:06:00.000-04:00

So apparently I have gotten really bad about relying on my memory - I've either swung in the direction of being a "free Spirit" or I've gotten very forgetful - lazy. I'll leave that to your decision.

Halfway to the airport I realized I didn't know what airline I was flying out on. I had booked tickets for two trips at the same time and ... For that matter I wasn't positive what airport I was suppose to fly out of! I got one of the two right... I went to the right airport... I felt a little foolish calling the person picking me up to find out what airline I was on - but it's a good think I did! I had it narrowed down to 2 in my head and neither one was right!

Sometimes I wonder at why I share the foolish things I do with other people. As soon as I share them I start to worry what people think - I'm stupid, or silly, or what. But I guess I share because they make me laugh and I like to laugh - especially at myself (although I wish I didn't give myself quite so many opportunities). In the end, laughing is well.. Happy!

Flight Crew's with Spunk

2005-07-22T08:31:00.000-04:00

I travel a lot. One of the fun things about that is you get to meet so very many people. My two favorite flight crew members are:

The harmonica playing pilot who explained (after a long delay and finally a diversion to North Carolina before finally landing in Atlanta) "Thank you for flying Airtran, where our motto is 'Go! There's nothing stopping you!' - except Atlanta."

and my flight Attendent on my trip to Alabama, who announced that "if you don'tknow how to buckle a seat belt by now, you should NOT be out in public unaccompanied." and that "If the oxygen mask appears, finish your yelling and screaming, put your mask on and then help the child - or more importantly - the adult who is acting like a child, next to you with their mask."

Sweet Tea and Fried Apple Pies

2005-07-12T20:19:00.000-04:00

I went "home" for my family reunion back in June. It was both good to be there and sad to be there. I've had to wait all this time to be able to write about it with some semblance of control. There was much that brought me joy, and laughter. There was also much that brought me sorrow and pain. But isn't that so much of what knits our lives together? Without one the other isn't quite as strong.

My cousin and I reminisced about the stories my Grannie used to tell us when we were growing up. Stories about the girl with the golden arm, Ollie, Arith and the little fly that wanted to go to heaven when he died. (If you don't know these stories - ask me sometime, they lose their humor in writing them down). We sang the songs she sang to us as we grew up (the Old Rusty Wagon, Turn the Radio On, Amazing Grace, All Night Long). The silliness that was very much my Grannie's way, her love for the piano and music and her love for God.

My Grannie has Alzheimers or at least some form of dementia or other. I'm not sure she's officially been diagnosed. She won't go anywhere my Granddaddy doesn't take her. It seems she is sure of him and him alone. If you are in the room and she sees you on a regular basis - she knows who you are, if not she probably doesn't. I was pleased to find she thought I looked familiar and pained to know she didn't know who I was. My granddaddy kept telling her "well, Ruth, she's my granddaughter, so I guess that means she's your kin too!" I love my Granddaddy. The sweet way he deals with carrying for her day in and day out is so touching. (In face, he's about the most awesome man alive!)

So as I said there was pain and sorrow, but there too was mirth. Joy and happiness as can only be found when one has a sense humor, enjoys laughing at funny situations and has a family reunion in the deep south.

My cousin has recently married a man (Kevin) whose last name is Heartsill. Our family has married a lot of Heartsills. At least two of my great-aunts married Heartsills, a few of my mother's cousins and now my cousin. So, while there is no blood connection between us and Kevin, there do happen to be more than a few Heartsills at our family reunion. Now to complicate things a little more Kevin's mother was a Conway. We happen to have a few Conways grafted into our Family Tree as well. So last year when they showed up at the family reunion, Kevin was more closely related to a greater number of people than my cousin and I. Imagine the humor in trying to explain that you are at this family reunion with your girlfriend (now wife) and that it's HER family reunion! Good thing southerners know their bloodlines!

Now my favorite thing at the reunion (next to seeing family and all) is the fried apple pies my Cousin Elizabeth makes. Its a recipe that's been past down from one generation to the next (if you can all it a recipe since its more - a little of this and a little of that. Its my goal to one day conquer this recipe and be the person from the next generation that everyone expects to bring them. The other delicacy I enjoy is... well the Sweet Tea. I mean this is the South. But when you have a bunch of southerns all making their own Sweet Tea and then it all gets poured in together and mixed up - its about the BEST Tea you can have. I have dreams about that tea!

So to conserve on space and time - and to keep from airing all my family's quirks on the internet, I'll save a couple great stories for telling in person... but remember to ask me about Kevin's cousin running over himself with his own truck, while he was driving it!

The things kids say...

2005-07-09T18:11:00.000-04:00

So I promised some fun stories about my trip... Here are just a couple

Layne, still calls me "Pink" most of the time - which I have come to love (so when he's being exceptionally ornery he calls me Tamara). Layne is into all things Spiderman. When he was a baby I would waltz with him around the living room during our two hours every evening where he wanted to sleep and we wanted him to be awake so that he would sleep longer at night. He loved it. He would smile at me and snuggle. He would cry when we stopped. Well this visit, I was dancing around the living room with Naithen and Layne came in crying. So I picked him up as well and the three of us danced together. Then Layne got down so he could show me how to dance. For a 2 year old, he has some good moves :-)

Later, Layne and I were sitting in the car waiting for those who had run into the store to return and he crawled up in my lap. I asked him if he'd dance with me when we got home. He said "no."

"you-be-my-pin-sis"

"what?"

"you-be-my-pin-sis"

"what?"

"you-be-my-pin-sis"

"what?"

"you-be-my-pin-sis" (with an emphasis on every unintelligible syllable and an exasperated look)

"You want me to be your princess?"

"Yes! I marry you, you-be-my-pin-sis" (I got a look that said I can't believe it took you so long to get that)

"OH!" - I finally got it

"I-be-you-piderman, you-be-my-pin-sis!"

"you'll be my Spiderman?"

"Yes" - with the sweetest smile

"Will my Spiderman dance with his princess?"

"No" - stated very matter-of-factly.

End of discussion. Even if I was his princess, he wouldn't dance with me. But that's okay. Naithen and I will have to dance together for now.

Rejuvenation

2005-07-06T22:37:00.000-04:00

So much happened in the last week. I don't know where to begin. I have all kinds of stories to tell about the delightful children and adorable monster I visited and about the numerous things God taught me while I was there. I love going away and spending my time in sweet fellowship and service and coming home refreshed and adjusted to a closer walk with God. Its hard to go through but so good too. Do you ever find yourself longing to have someone call you out? To have someone who will point out where you are failing and help you see where you need to go? But someone do it in such love and concern (and often without even really knowing that's what they are doing?) This was my week in Oklahoma.

God showed up in such incredible ways. I am my own worst critic - I know that. I hold extremely high standards for myself and I fail all the time... This leads to frustration and anger and depression and a downward spiral of my emotions, attitudes and perspectives. God spent time this week helping me get back to His perspective on some things and understanding of some of my failings that He sees in me and set me on my feet to walk out in faith and obedience that is born of love and not a desire to appease, but rather to live by His standards because I love Him.

I feel as though my perspective and therefore my attitude has been off for quite some time. It took my two days to get through the junk and wrong attitudes and perspectives that had crept into my head and my heart before I could begin to be on the right page again. Isn't it amazing how quickly and silently the world can slip in to our thoughts and we don't even realize there's been a change. Or when we do, we feel so powerless to combat it.

I have spent quite some time begrudging God for having me in a place where I feel bombarded with wrong attitudes and wrong ideas (by wrong I mean unbiblical) and lacking a support system that I so desperately feel I need. Do you know what it is to have people around you who daily inspire you to go deeper and live daily your walk with Christ and then to have all of that taken away and be in a place where you feel very little challenge to go deeper and more to pull away? Its like trying to swim up river and losing your life vest.

I find myself in a world very much like the one I walked away from when I realized I needed to follow Christ with everything I was, only now I know how much more there is and it is wholly dissatisfying. Yet I look at how I got here and I see God's direction - though I wonder at times if that is just fancy or reality - and then I remember that I am to do all things without grumbling and complaining. I KNOW that God has brought me here, I KNOW that God is at work, and though I may feel as though I have no impact on the world around me, and it seems to have such a strong impact upon me, I KNOW that this is where God has placed me for now.

So I apologize to all of you whom I have grumbled and complained to. I am choosing to stop complaining and accept the task God has set before me with cheerfulness and joy, because I can be content in all things through Christ who strengthens me. So if (or when) I begin to complain about where God has me - PLEASE, I implore you, CALL ME ON IT! I need that!

I guess I'll leave the funny and cute stories about the kids for another time.

God has been faithful and I know His spirit is with me to take me deeper and help me to presevere.

Bible Study

2005-06-28T08:15:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I'm going to take a break from all the brattiness and talk about my Bible Study... which I love! We have been studying the Kings and Prophets (working through the Precept studies) We are in 2 Kings right now. I joined this study back in Deuteronomy (they started in Genesis) and have worked our way up to 2 Kings and 2 Chronicles (for those of you who don't know, 1&2 Kings parallels 2 Chronicles). I missed 1&2 Samuel while I was living out west, but I have gotten so very much out of these studies. I really recommend doing a study of the Old Testament (specifically one that helps you see how VERY relevant it is to today - and how interconnected it is with the New Testament).

As I walk out of Bible Study I am always a little blown away (sometimes really blown away). I feel as though I've experienced a "scriptural smack-down" at times. It's a group of people unapologetically looking at what the Word of God says and challenging each other to walk it out during the rest of the week.

This week we looked at 2 Kings 9. When Jehu is anointed King of Israel and wipes out the House of Ahab... His boldness when confronting sin is amazing, but what really amazes me is how everyone involved in the story KNEW what the Word of the Lord was. They all knew the prophesies and what God had declared. So when Jehu was carrying out the task God gave him, he didn't have to check back on certain details because he already knew what God had said about that.

One of the ladies in my class made a comment that resounded in my soul... she comes from a Hindu background and was relating a recent experience at a family function. When her children fused at her for pointing out something that was not scriptural she replied, "If the culture is wrong, I have to stop doing it."

Wow! I hope I have that boldness and the follow-thru to do that as well. Even if that culture is the American Christian Church! You know? We need to stand on Scripture - the Word of God and not cultural tradition, no matter what it looks like.

The Irony of Protecting a Democracy

2005-06-09T22:49:00.000-04:00

I did not grow up in a Democratic republic. I have immense respect and admirations for the men and women who serve our country in the Armed Services, especially those active duty military, but also for the reserves. The great irony is that those who serve and protect the rights and privileges that the United States of America hold so dear do not actually live under them. They live their lives in an Authoritarian Society, not a democratic one. Recently I've been reading a book which discusses this very issue at great length - though I have a vastly different view than the author. She seems to believe that this is a great tragedy and imposition to the rights of the individuals who join the armed services. I would live in great fear of a military that did not give up many of those freedoms in protecting them.

The military is a career that is not 9-5. You are never really "off-duty." It pervades all aspects of your life. When you join up, your spouse and children join up. Most civilians have a hard time understanding just how much the military runs your life, to them you go to work, you go home. Two very different parts of your life. This just isn't so in the military world. You must be ready at a moment's notice - it is even more pronounced if you actually live on base and are surrounded by it all the time, but even living off base there is a different reality of life.

During the fall of my senior year in high school, my father was told we would be getting orders soon and moving. My father asked me exactly when would I be able to leave (a rare question but in light of it being my senior year and GPAs at risk, it had to be considered). I told him I could not go before the end of the first semester - because of how GPAs are considered for college admissions. So our orders were cut and he began making frequent visits to his next post in anticipation of the transfer. While on TDY during October, he received a call from a General at Hanscom (Boston). He flew home the next day, and had two days before he had to report to the base for duty. Because of the nature of the position, he couldn't even come back on weekends, though his Thanksgiving leave was already approved so he did get to come home for that. I didn't realize how strange that was to people until I mentioned something to one of my teachers and my peers couldn't understand it. Why didn't He just say it was a bad time, or maybe take the next job.

You see, the success of the military family is dependent upon its flexibility. When you get a call, an order, a transfer, you go. The family must cope and come along. I think this is one of the things that puts so much stress on military marriages. I've seen many fall apart at the seems because the non-military spouse can't understand the demands upon the military spouse and is constantly resentful of the mandates the military puts upon their spouse, their children and themselves and jealous of the response the military spouse gives to such orders.

There are many ways to cope.... Having never known anything else, and being very proud of the "sacrifices" that my family made because it was military, I learned to take it in stride. I learned to see moving as a privilege that allowed me to interact with many different cultures even within the United States. They were opportunities to leave behind that which you didn't like about yourself and improve who you were because your new acquaintances didn't carry around prior prejudices against who you had been (unless it was a propensity to dislike the military in general).

I learned to become adaptable, to force myself (I am actually extremely shy and self-conscious) to talk to strangers and meet new people, regularly. It's not just a mask you wear, though it is at times, but you begin to be molded to what your circumstances demand of you. Like bootcamp, you become someone you aren't naturally, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I have learned to apply some of this to my walk with Jesus Christ. You see, as I read scripture and I see things in there that I am not yet. I have learned that if I begin to put them on - test them out, walk in them, as I wear the kindness that Christ calls us to (and the Holy Spirit enables us to exhibit) it becomes more a natural reaction to my surroundings. At first its a bit awkward and unnatural, but as I learn to give Christ a little more of my life (my attitudes) here and there, He molds my heart to His and changes me from within.

So very much of our lives has a great deal to do with perspective, but that, I think is another entry for another time.

Roots

2005-06-08T23:00:00.000-04:00

One of the saddest things about being a brat is our lack of family roots. Although some families are particularly good at working through this, others of us just don't know what it is to be truly part of an extended family. We are still "company" when we come to town. Most of our cousins, aunts, uncles, and even grandparents have never been to most of the places we've lived. They don't know anything about our lives (especially if yours is the only military family in your family). They see us only in their own setting. When we visit them, we get to see their friends, glimpses of their lives. But they don't get the same insight into who we are. Therefore we never really completely belong there either.

I love to go "home" to Alabama, where my mother is from. It has been one of the few constants in my life, and I love it.... For so very many reasons. As I write this I am preparing to go to a family reunion this weekend - much joy and anticipation accompanies these plans.... However, as close as I am to this side of my family, I'm still not completely one of them - I am more so than my brother, but not equal to my cousins.

My favorite person in the entire world is my Granddaddy. He once introduced me as his "Yankee granddaughter." Made me so mad I didn't talk to him for a whole hour (which is a long time for me and him). My uncle corrected him (he became my hero that day) - no she was born out west - she's a REAL cowgirl. I was probably 4 or 5 at the time. That was the first time I think I really realized that while I may be his favorite grandchild, I didn't really belong in his world. Down south, I was considered from "up north." In the North, people commented on my accent and how southern I was. My speech would slip from one accent to another depending upon my mood and what I was talking about. I began to deliberately control my accent. I learned to speak fairly accent free for the most part. For a long time I tried very hard to keep all accents out of my speech so as to not be reminded that I'm "not from around here."

I am immensely proud of my southern heritage; I am also proud of my northern heritage (Yes, I am the product of a Yankee marrying a southern belle). However, I don't really fit into either family. So like most Brats I know, I've created my own extended "family." This is made up of a few extremely close friends who have kept in touch across the years and across the miles that separate us. These become the people we turn to and the people we depend upon. The people we identify with. It makes me sad for that which I have missed out on. But this adopted family of mine also reminds me of the family which I have been adopted into through the blood of Christ on the cross and His resurrection. A family which is a conglomeration of peoples from all over the globe, who call Jesus Christ, Lord of their lives

While my "roots" may be an inch deep, the freedom that this allows to help me to walk out my Faith in Christ, where-ever and when-ever He calls is something that I wouldn't trade for the world. As I read some of these posts they seem a little sad, I want to be very clear.... I LOVE that God allowed me to be blessed by being born (conscripted at birth) into a military family. Many people don't understand the far reaching and extreme differences, that innately implies for our lives, as "Brats." My wish is simply to share a tiny glimpse into some of the differences and the blessings that come along with Gypsy Feet.

Wanderlust

2005-06-05T07:04:00.000-04:00

According to Mary Wertsch's Military Brats, the bone-deep restlessness of military children is one of our defining traits as adults. This is not always a desire to travel, though it can be that. It is a desire to pick up, leave an old place behind completely, and move to a new town for a new start. This is very true for me. I have the travel bug is something fierce. I LOVE to travel - to see new places and experience new customs. But it's more than an itch to sightsee. My greatest passion (with respect to travel) is to learn a new culture. The little nuances of each new community. What makes it tick. Where do the "locals" hang out, where do they go. What does their life look like? For the most part I can satisfy my Wanderlust by visiting friends and family that are scattered across this country (or the globe). But every now and again there swells up within me this intense and maddening feeling of being trapped in the same place. Stuck. Much as I imagine someone stuck in a quagmire (woo-hoo 7th grade vocabulary) might feel.

I am definitely going through one of those times now. It's all I can do to get up each day and do exactly as I've been doing and see no end in sight. I feel myself rebuilding some of the walls I've started tearing down with friends because "it's time." You had two choices when it came to friends and moving. First, you never quite let down all your guard, because you knew you'd be moving in a short time and the less you let people in the less it hurt to leave. Or, You became so numb to the leaving that if just ceased to bother you when you left people behind. They were going to forget you in a short time anyway. I got to be very good at figuring out what kind of friend people would prove to be. Within a week of knowing someone, I can very confidently tell you who will keep in touch, who won't, who will return a phone call - though they may never initiate one - and who lives life as "out of sight, out of mind." I still torture myself with a few friendships that I knew going in wouldn't survive a move, but for some reason I still try to keep in contact, and I still get disappointed when they don't respond.

Growing up you always knew it was time to move when you ran into people you knew at the grocery store or at a gas station. I'm ready for the next chapter, the next place and not sure what that's going to look like, or if I'm going to get to go anywhere. So I turn to God, to bring me contentment in my heart where I am.
At times like this, my natural tendency is to avoid people, or push them away - I'm learning that this self-imposed isolation really needs to be filled with lots of time in the Word and in prayer. Otherwise, I contemplate doing something like quitting my job and moving somewhere I don't know anyone. It's not so much that I want to run away - which is what some people who don't understand think - it's more running to the familiar. You see, for a brat, moving often seems like the ONLY constant in your life. It can become an addiction - a need, or perhaps it's more of an expectation in life. Living in one place for any real length of time doesn't enter into your consciousness. How do you do that? It's as foreign of a concept as "Sweet Tea" is in China.

Once, in high school, I was talking to my Government teacher (okay, that didn't happen just once, but this particular time) She was explaining about a friend who had a job opportunity in a town 20 miles away. But she'd have to leave where the town where she lived and where her parents and grandparents were. I couldn't understand the problem. She'd be an easy drive away from her family, and the job had innumerable benefits. My government teacher - realizing that I wasn't understanding the dilemma responded "Oh, I forgot, you're part of the gypsy population." And walked away. At the time I didn't really know how to react, so I just laughed. Now, I laugh really hard. I still don't understand (I can't grasp) the point of view that was apparently so obvious to them. But I understand more of WHY I don't understand it.

Ripple Affects

2005-05-31T16:45:00.000-04:00

Reading this article I found much that I could identify with, while many details differed in my life – I learned many of the same lessons. One of these lessons was that my actions don’t just affect me. In our world of self-centered egotism, we often fail to remember, let alone teach our children, that the decisions we make do in fact have impact upon others, whether or not we like it. And that this must be taken into consideration when making even seemingly private decisions. I’m going to use his example, as it was so well written:

“There was little crime on base, only in part because the fence kept strangers out. Time and again, my father sat my brothers and me down and explained that we had to obey all the rules on base. If we were ever picked up by the Air Police, it would go into his permanent file. He could get passed over for promotion for something we did. When I was ten, this outraged my emerging sense of selfhood. “Why? Why should you be punished for something I do? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“At promotion meetings, they’ll say, ‘If he can’t even control his own family, how in the world is he going to lead men into combat?’ That makes a lot of sense to me.” It did to me too, as I thought about it, and I moved through my childhood with a fearsome sense that my actions were not just mine, that they affected my father and, through him, my entire family. Though I was already a timid child, this sense of caution and responsibility made me even more cautious. Even a speeding ticket was literally a federal crime, and if, when I was old enough to drive, I were clocked going 30 in a 25-mile-an-hour zone, I’d have to go to federal court and pay a whopping fine. And a record of my transgression would be added to my father’s file.”

This is the same thing that happens in our world today, outside the military with respect to our heavenly Father. Everything we as, His children, do goes on God’s “permanent record” that the world around us is keeping. While Christ forgives, the world is not so forgiving – not does it forget easily. When we act and live our lives out of line with scripture we reflect poorly to those around us, who Christ is, who God is. So often I have to remind myself that just because the people around me – even the churched people – are doing something, doesn’t mean it is okay. We must live our lives for the glory and fame of the name of God and each choice and decision we as believers make may have a huge impact on how the world around us views Christ.

A Quest for Home

2005-05-30T17:05:00.000-04:00

Home is an issue that every military brat must come to terms with at some point. The dictionary defines home in several ways and most people define home by the first definition I found “the place, such as town or country, where one was born or has lived for a long time” coupled with “an environment offering security and happiness.” For a Brat these elements are rarely the same – IF there is a place at all where we have lived “a long time.”

For a brat “Home” is either not a sentimental issue – simply a place where you sleep, or they are still on the quest to find “home” which can be very lonely and depressing. One article I read lately, dealt with these issues of home… “Like many other military brats, I also have no place to call home. My civilian friends always laughed at me when we went on school trips because I was apt to call the hotel that we were staying at 'home.' They never understood that where I lay my head is home. However, I once did consider New Hampshire to be my home. I lived there for six years, and when they announced that they were closing the base I was heartbroken. I insisted that New Hampshire was my home, though, up until we went back to visit a few years ago.” For so many of us – we may feel “at home” in one place for a while but often a visit back reveals how much we no longer – or never really - belonged there.

So eloquently put by another brat: “I realized that the bases I’d been barred from ever since I turned twenty-one were not my home. I’d thought they were because I had lived there, swam there, learned to drive, earned a brown belt in judo, eaten at the mess hall, sat in cockpit of an F-105, spent whole days in the Air War College library. Isn’t that what a hometown is, the place where you do those things? But those years on base and that childhood belonged in some fundamental way to my father and the U.S. Air Force, not me. You can’t go home again, of course--no one can, as Thomas Wolfe is famous for reminding us--but for military kids the fence between the past and the present is not only figurative, it’s also literal, and that makes it even more potent in memory.”

So what is home? You can drive yourself crazy trying to find it here on earth, looking for a place to belong. A place where, like Cheers, every body knows your name. But I think I’ve found the most peace in understanding that my home is in Heaven. Not here on earth. Some day, I will go home and be at rest – Until that day, these gypsy feet will continue to take me from one adventure to the next, in one town, or another. Whether I’m here for the rest of my life, another decade or simply the rest of the summer, I have a truly permanent home in Heaven with Christ.

Gypsy Feet

2005-05-29T15:02:00.000-04:00

The everyday celebrity never really served the purpose I created it for. I started off well, but then failed. The point being to share other peopleÂs stories and instead became just the ramblings of my mind. At some point in the last eight months, I realized that in truth the One and Only "Everyday Celebrity" was Jesus Christ. Not that hasn'tasnÂt been my Savior all along, but that His celebrity is truly that which I must remember and recognize each and every day.

So why the new name?

For some time now, I have felt a huge burden for a subculture which I was born into - that of the Military "Brat." I use the term hesitantly because while I am immensely proud of being a Brat - I often resent the use of the term by those who are not. I am still praying for God's direction in how I will be able to minister to other Brats, but lately God has at least offered me the opportunity to share my experiences and perspective with friends who are marrying into the military.

I have been accused of many things - having no roots, being part of the gypsy population, my cousin even calls me her "vagabond cousin" which comes from a downward spiral of being transient- vagrant - homeless. All of these are true - and in many ways, I'm glad they are, but there are times when I'm not. Still, being a brat has taught me so much about life and my walk with wouldn't that I wouldn't change a minute of it. One brat wrote:

ÂAll in all, I wouldn't change my military brat life for anything in the world. Sure, I've got gypsy-feet, and I've had to work for my friends, but I've done so much more than many people have done their entire lives. I only hope that I can offer as much to my own children." This resounds in my soul.

I started searching the internet for sites by other brats. Anyone remember seeing the movie B.R.A.T. Patrol? Anyway, I was again struck by the loneliness and sense of being an outsider that so often comes with being a brat. I was then reminded that as a Christian, I should feel this same sense of being an outsider in this world Â Christ is with us and we don't need to be lonely, but we are called to be outsiders). In my understanding, this is what scripture refers to when it says we are to be in the world but not of the world and that we are aliens and strangers. It wasn't until a couple of years ago that I realized how very much being a brat influenced the way I think, the way I understand, the way I live and the way I interact with people. So in the next few posts, I will probably explore some of the things I've learned as a military brat.

What I Learned in Florida

2005-05-22T19:29:00.000-04:00

The most important thing I learned in Florida this weekend has to do with Andi. After wearing High Heels for several hours that included lots of walking to put out food and pass out Programs at our friend Amy's wedding. We narrowed down her future career choices. Yes that's right in Andi's own words:

"I can never be a prostitute. My feet hurt!" Whew. Good thing we got that settled. A close call really, but now that she's safely decided that wearing heels rule out at least one profession, we can turn our attentions to finding her a job that allows her to wear flats, or tennis shoes. ;-)

She asked What?!?!?!

2005-05-20T08:02:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I thought a lot about this post and decided not to post it.... Then I talked to a friend and discovered that apparently this isn't that unusual of a question - which makes me feel even more foolish for misunderstanding it, but I'll let you laugh at me, since apparently other people wouldn't have been quite so confused.

A few weeks ago, I drove down to Murfreesboro, TN - just East of Nashville - to see some of the dearest people. My friend Jenn and I spent most of the weekend just relaxing and doing absolutely nothing - which is exactly the type of vacation I needed. Saturday evening the kids were upstairs watching a movie with their Daddy and Jenn and I were watching a movie downstairs, when we started discussing all the people who were getting married, were married or had just gotten engaged. This year has been Episode 2 of "It Must be in the Water" - because I'm pretty sure that of the people I knew in college and high school maybe 3 or 4 will survive the summer unmarried and unengaged. Everyone else will have fallen victim to, well - coupledom. Oh well.

Back to my story.... So Jenn and I were talking about all the weddings and such when she looked up at me and asked "Who's going to marry you, Tamara?" This is a question I expect from Grandparents, Aunts, uncles, cousins, anyone who hasn't given up on seeing me married - which actually isn't that many people anymore, so I don't hear it that often. It used to be the second thing family asked. "Hi Tamara, How have you been? Do you have a boyfriend?" Then around my 19th or 20th birthday it became, "Don't you have a boyfriend, yet? (asked with a certain amount of exasperation). Next was "Still thinking about getting married someday? A boyfriend would really be a good start." (This was followed by extremely less than desirable suggestions and attempts to set me up with people I wouldn't really wish on my enemies - Trust me when I say if the guy's cousin thinks its a bad idea to set him up with someone who is sane - just don't do it). Now there is simply that awkward silence following "how are you?" as my family tries to decide what to ask next. They've definitely given it up. Which is happy.... But I digress

"Who's going to Marry You?" If it wasn't Jenn, I'm sure I would have been offended. I mean come on, I'm 25 and still single. We were just discussing how everyone, their brother, sister, and uncle's third cousin's sister's friend are getting married. What kind of question is that? Clearly I don't know. If I did, I'd probably have a ring on my finger (since that and a wedding ceremony are probably the two most concrete answers to that question).

Now I'm in a dilemma. How do I answer. Do I get defensive? I'm not only okay with being single, in fact, I enjoy it. God has given me such a blessing in my singleness to be able to serve Him and be flexible with my entire life. It makes living at the "Whim of God" a whole lot easier. So what do I say? OH no! Major inward struggle for all of 5-10 seconds.

I decide to try to laugh it off "Well, Jenn when I find that out, I'll invite you to the wedding." And then I'm sure I probably babbled, because that's what I do when I get a little flustered. She started laughing. Now I'm confused. What's so funny? It's an honest answer. What did I miss?

I must have had the most perplexed look on my face, because between bursts of laughter she explained, that all she wanted to know was who - i.e. what pastor - would perform the wedding ceremony. Oh. Now don't I feel foolish. But I bet all of you knew all along that was exactly what she was asking. But me? No way, I totally misinterpreted the question. So what was there to do but laugh also, (In my defense her tonal inflections definitely added to my misinterpreting the question) and say - "I don't really know." I guess part of that depends on who my pastor is at the time and part depends on Matthew and Jennifer. (Jenn's husband (Matthew) was my college pastor - hence the motivation for the question).

A Town Called........ What?

2005-05-01T19:33:00.000-04:00

This past weekend, Andi and I drove down to visit a friend of ours in Kentucky. On our way, we began to discuss town names, or rather the origin of names. What instigated this conversation was a sign for Indianapolis. That got me to trying to remember where the suffix -polis comes from. -ville is from French, -ton or -town is British, -burg is German, but I couldn't access from the deepest recesses of my mind where in the world -polis comes from. Upon mentioning this, Andi decides to look up other -polis' in the US and as a Kentucky map was handy she starts looking through the list..... All of a sudden she bursts into laughter. Sure enough there is a town called Monkey's Eyebrow, Kentucky! An online search shows we aren't the only ones to have discovered this little oddity, however we may be among the few to visit, as we are planning a road trip in the future ;-) Apparently all that is left is a taxidermist.

In case you are curious, -polis is Greek.

This also got me to thinking of other interesting towns and places. I think the most fun festival I ever went to was the Loachapoka Syrup Sopping Festival lt is an unusual and tasty event to say the least. One of the best parts.... It's really fun to say. The name is from the Creek Indians who used to live there and means "where turtles are killed."

Feeding the Brain

2005-04-24T13:53:00.000-04:00

Check this out... Fascinating thoughts on Post-mdoernism and its affect on the Arab world and Arab - American relations...

Ever had one of those weekends...

2005-04-18T15:27:00.000-04:00

So this weekend was incredibly busy. So much to do I now have residual things to deal with in my already crowded week. Oh well. Its a beautiful day out. I thank God for that. So I'm really just posting because some people (wink, wink) keep fussing that I am too sporadic in my posts. So here's a post just to say hello and put something up here. PLEASE COMMENT AND SAY HELLO ! :-)

Down-sizing

2005-04-14T22:39:00.000-04:00

There is much to be said for simplicity. Something that my life has been lacking lately. I find it so easy to get carried away with what is going on around me and forget to pause. Being an extrovert, I get energy being around people and I often go a long time before I realize that even I need a little time to myself. Which is interesting because there are times when I think it would be nice (or at least less exhausting) to move and enjoy the adventure of not having any demands on my time, but rather having the freedom to just be alone and quiet. But then I realize that from experience - I get tired of that very quickly. Still all the business of the last couple months - and lack of "Tamara Time" has taken its toll. While reading my homework one night I came across a comment made by J. Hudson Taylor

"I believe we are all in danger of accumulating - it may be from
thoughtlessness, or from pressure of occupation - things which would be useful to others, while not needed by ourselves, and the retention of which entails loss of blessing"

Which got me thinking - as I was already thinking of all the things I ought to probably get rid of. There are plenty of activities that I would like to eliminate as well. In fact, I think there are going to be real changes to be made in my life. I need to simplify. To what extent, God hasn't shown me yet, but I have the ambition of it being drastic. God may have to reign me in, but I'm fairly certain (and continuing to pray) that there is much in my life that needs to be altered. I may begin with things and activities, but it will also entail relationships.

This is really the issue I am praying the most about. It sounds very harsh to downsize my relationships, but that's where I'm at. A few years ago I felt pulled in too many directions. So my New Year's resolution was going to be "start being mean to people" My thought behind that was, if people didn't like me I wouldn't felt pulled me in quite so many directions. Okay so not the best idea ever - and I didn't go through with it - but still the easiest way to downsize the number of friends you have is to quit being nice to them.... Or so one might think :-)

At any rate, I certainly do need to rethink what I'm doing and as I posted before it's all a part of keeping my perspective out of the moment and being proactive. But I sometimes feel that there is a lot of relationship clutter in my life.

There are so very many people who have meant a great deal to me that I don't even know where they live now. Or if they ever think of me. Then there are those relationships that survive because on the rare occasion we talk it seems like there hasn't been any time at all between our last conversation... We pick up with the ease of long-time friends whose relationship was never based on our commonalities but rather our appreciation for our differences. Then there are those friends that I forget how much I love spending time with them and how much they encourage and challenge me spiritually. Those are the friendships I enjoy.

But then there are those that seem like lots of work. And I don't mean ones with people whom God has given me to love with the love of Christ so that they might know Him, but rather those who know Him as savior already and yet I feel the need to attempt to keep up relationships with. These one sided relationships that would die without the effort put forth on my part. These are the ones that drain me.

So as I've been considering downsizing the things in my life, I find a great temptation to eliminate these relationships as well. Not in a hostile way, but rather as clutter removal which will in turn free me up to focus on new people in my life and the people who God is bringing for me to share my life with and walk with as I share what God is doing in my life. But I'm just not sure that is what God would have me do. So with much prayer I consider carefully how I am spending my time and what God would have me do. This is a real struggle for me. I hate to let people go..... to let friendships become the casualty of time....

Cutting Edge Architecture

2005-04-02T12:40:00.000-05:00

One of the reasons I went to Auburn University was because of their College of Architecture, Design, and Construction. It's one of the best in the country. The most unique aspect of which is the opportunity for students to participate in Rural Studio and Urban Studio (whose website isn't up and working today). Both are amazing opportunities for students to study and gain practical experience.

Rural Studio, specifically, generates some of the most cutting edge Architecture (built with found and donated items) in the world. People come from Europe to see and study these structures. A really fun and interesting approach to low income housing and student experience. Students move to the poorest county in Alabama, live and work among their neighbors. Year year they choose a family to build a house for. Spend time getting to know the needs of the family. Then the design process begins. As students transfer in and out as semesters change, they are allowed to redesign, the only restriction is they cannot tear down that which has already been built. They not only design but build the structures as well. Its a totally awesome experience. Check out the website and enjoy the creative minds....

House Sitting Part II

2005-03-17T13:00:00.000-05:00

I am house sitting, again. I love house sitting. It's like a vacation without going anywhere. A change of scenery for a short period of time. Just long enough to make you ready to go home. This time I'm house/pet sitting for a new family. I don't roll uphill at night in this bed. Again, I am keeping two dogs but I also have a cat. A Psycho cat. Its one of those felines that comes over and rubs against your leg and looks up at you and purrs making it clear that he wants to be petted. But the moment you reach down he hisses and tries to bite you.

After deciding the best policy was to simply ignore the cat and go about my business, the cat decides that it wants to get to know me. Friday night Andi came over and we watched a movie (I think), met a friend for coffee (I got an Italian Soda!!) and then stayed up talking. Needless to say it was already quite late (or early depending on your perspective) when I crawled into bed. I was getting myself situated and about to turn out the light when psycho cat decided to join me on the bed.

At first he went to the farthest corner, glared and hissed. As if to say, stay on your own side. But then he began to back his way across the bed to my leg. He sat on my ankle and slowly began inching his way up my leg to my stomach. Hissing at me the entire time with his devilish eyes narrowed to tiny slits. Great! I just know this cat is going to kill me in my sleep! Then he would bat a paw at my face, show me his teeth and move back to my ankle. Then the process would begin again. After an hour, I am completely exhausted - its around 4 am now, and I give up. I decided to pull the covers over my head and hope that if Psycho cat attacks me in my sleep - maybe there won't be much damage done through the blankets. When I woke up 2 1/2 hours later to a large dog sniffing in my ear wanting to be let out.... Psycho cat is asleep on top of me with his face towards mine. So that when I shift to try and get up, he wakes up hisses at me and goes racing out of the room. Talk about fright, he nearly took my nose off.

Living in the Stream of Consciousness (Or All I Want is a Cup of Tea)

2005-03-08T16:25:00.000-05:00

Have you ever read "The Jilting of Granny Weatherall" by Katherine Anne Porter? If you have you'll know what I mean by stream-of-consciousness. Sometimes I get so lost in the stream that I lose track of what I was doing. This happens most often when there are many demands being made upon my time and I haven't taken the time to prioritize, so I'm simply reacting to each thing as it comes up. Often the simplest task would never be completed at the end of the day, though lots of other things would get done.

I like to start my day with a cup of tea. Vanilla Almond, or Murchie's Library Square are great breakfast teas, but often the simplest thing, like having a cup of tea would not quite get finished because of "life" happening. My day would go something like this...

Get up and read my Bible and journal. Head downstairs to meet Mikaela to go feed and doctor the horses. Walk past the stove. Stop. Put the kettle on for tea. See Mikaela putting on her boots and remember the horses. Put on my coat and boots. Take care of the horses. Come inside and hang up my coat and put away my boots. Hear the Kettle. Find a teapot and put tea in it. Add hot water from the kettle and set the timer. Help little boys get dressed. Hear the timer going off and go pour off the tea. Start breakfast. See teapot on counter and pour a cup for Tami and I. Take Tami her cup. Play with baby laying on bed. Pet the dogs. Wash hands. Pick up towels on the floor of the bathroom take to laundry room. Sort laundry. Start a load in the washer. Take clothes out of the dryer and take them to the dining room to fold and sort. Clean off the table. Take books to the living room to put away. Pick up books on the floor and put them away as well. Go back through the kitchen, see my cup of tea. Take a sip. Find children to help fold clothes and put them away. Sit down to breakfast. Remember my tea on the counter. Go and get it. Eat. Clean up the kitchen. Answer questions about school. Wash the dining table down. See the empty laundry basket and take it to the laundry room. Notice that the wash is finished. Switch out the loads. Start another load. Take the now full basket back to the dining room to fold. See my teacup. The tea is cold so take it to the microwave to heat it up. Fold clothes and sort. Put towels away. Answer school questions. Cut fruit for mid morning snack. Work on laundry more. See microwave and remember tea. Its cold again. reheat it again. Make sure beds are made. Start lunch. Serve lunch. Find teacup of cold tea in microwave. reheat. Take a sip. Put boys down for nap. Work on general tidying and making sure chores are done. Check school work is finished. Send kids outside to play. Make afternoon snack. See teacup. Cold. reheat. Take kids to soccer practice or stay home and make dinner. Eat. Clean up kitchen. Get kids ready for bed. Read books. Put kids to bed. Clean up odds and ends. Get ready for bed go downstairs for a drink of water. See teacup. Cold. Pour it out its not any good anymore.

This tendency to get sidetracked is also responsible for my putting my jeans in the fridge and not remembering them until I got to work (I was suppose to change into them after work so I didn't have to go home before meeting a friend). Which is a little unusual, since I have learned to trust my instincts more, and have begun to realize when I've done something that scatterbrained and remedy the situation promptly.

However, the lesson God has taught and is teaching me through all my scatterbrained and distracted moments, is that I can't simply go through life reacting to what is happening. I need to keep a perspective that is outside of the circumstances. One that allows me to be Pro-active rather then Re-active. One that keeps my emotions from running away with my thoughts, but rather keeps my mind always on the finish line. I find that sometimes as I recognize my tendency to react, I over-compensate and become a little too proactive, which probably scares the recipients a little, but God is teaching me that too. What amazing things there are to be learned if we'll only keep our eyes open.